Funny email junk.

sonicdude10 · Aug 2, 2013

Post funny stuff you got in an email from a friend or anonymous. I'll start:

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a
pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close
to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible
deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man re...plies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating
on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my
25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around
didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above
ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but
wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment
and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand
that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes,
stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the
fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all
the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again
asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building,
and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have
slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing
of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when sud-
denly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started
beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment
and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again
I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I
was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly,
and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full
and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
Click to expand...

sonicdude10 · Aug 11, 2013

More funny junk pointed at women this time. I don't agree with most of this but it's still funny no less...

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have
avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.

My work is done here.
(I got it the first time. Don't know if I think like a man or just know how they think.)

Water in the carburetor...

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided
to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

HE MUST PAY...

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live
with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

Today's Short Reading from the Bible...

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Click to expand...

7Force · Aug 11, 2013

Those jokes are tired ones that only old people would chuckle at (wives amirite hehehehhhe!!). Besides, the first one is much better the way I've heard it, as a programmer joke:

A programmer's wife says to him: "While at the grocery store, buy milk." The programmer is stuck buying milk at the grocery store forever.

Funny email junk.

sonicdude10 So long AG and thanks for all the fish!

sonicdude10 So long AG and thanks for all the fish!

7Force Guardian of the Forum

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Funny email junk.

sonicdude10 So long AG and thanks for all the fish!

sonicdude10 So long AG and thanks for all the fish!

7Force Guardian of the Forum

Share This Page

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