Smart Arse Answers!

SMART ARSE ANSWERS 2007​

6th Place​

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:​

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. ​

'What are my choices?' the man asked.​

'Yes or no,' she replied. ​

5th Place​

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.​

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. ​

Without blinking an eyelid she said,​

'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.' ​

4th Place​

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.​

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'​

The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.' ​

3rd Place​

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.​

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.​

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'​

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. ​

2nd Place​

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.​

A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'​

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.​

Cars are backed up for miles.​

Finally, a police car comes up.​

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab​

And said to the driver,​

'Got stuck, eh?'​

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!' ​

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007​

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.​

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. ​

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'​

A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ​

'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'​

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.​

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ​

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

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Are you sure this isn't "Smart Arse Answers 1936?"

:-D Anyway, I liked the 2nd place one.

 

LOL, yeah there are some old ones amongst them! Good, though!

Still, even 2007 is getting on a bit now ;-)

 

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.​

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'​

The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.' ​

-- I used that one the day before thanksgiving when a customer stopped me at work xD
​

 

virtual alan,

I like number 5, Lol!





HAVE A NICE WEEK!!! :lol:

 

Why didnt you use number 5?

 

Me and my co-worker, skavenger216, try to make fun of our customers as much as possible without them noticing.

What else is there to do at a gas station?

 

sniff fumes?

 

have gay sex

 

Both valid answers.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMdXHQb9JE0

GASOLINE FIGHT!

 

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPACINNO (sp?)!!

 

CAPSLOCK!

 

Mad Magaizine used to do something similar to this, only in comic form. IIRC the section in the magazine was called " Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"

Yeah, but im the reigning champion of it:dance:

LOL i kid, i kid.

 

Sorry for the double-post guys, but i found a scan of what i was talking about.



There ya go:icon_bigg


EDIT: Holy shit!! I just realized i completely forgot to send you the $$$ for that CKY3, Henners. Chalk it up to a brain fart as a result of old age, lol. If you still have it im still interested, if not its no big deal. Sorry bro!

 

LOL, I like the way you apologize for a double post only three minutes apart, then two minutes later edit the second post :lol:

 

Yeah, sorry bro. Im at work right now so i wasnt really paying attention to what i was doing.

 

Maybe get some sleep after you lock the door.

 

I used to do that when i was on 3rd shift, except we have this super loud door buzzer that goes off when you enter the store so i didnt even have to lock it. Drew is on 3rd shift now ( hes actually working right now as i type this at 3 in the morning:110, i bet he knows all about catching some gas station Z's.

 

skavenger, I still have cKy3. Paypal the money to Aird.Henry@gmail.com