Sorry I can't be much of help EvilTaco64, but if it makes you feel better I appreciate your posts here. If you ever need help on future college help, feel free to let me know. I worked at a University for 3 years and know the Do's, the Do not's, how to save money, how to save time, ect.
Not everyone is on drugs mate, the issue it seems (from my understanding) you've been mixing with the wrong people. In the future if you feel others are getting you into their own mess, block them out. For a while I had this thought that I had to change to please others. It's not the case, you only have to please yourself. You can do what you want, don't let any asshole stop you, love yourself for who you are and keep your head up high. We will support you here. Take care bud!
It sounds like you've been through a lot. My life is pretty boring by comparison, but I can relate to parts of what you said. I've had mental issues for quite a while, as well as family members with mental issues. It sucks, but I've more or less recovered from it. I guess it's something that never really goes away, but at least for me it's become manageable. I've also had to move around a lot over the past few years, for various reasons. It sucks having to move all the time, because it's always a pain to find somewhere to live, and moving stuff takes time and effort too. When I moved into my current apartment, I didn't take all of my stuff, because I figured I wouldn't be here for very long - which turned out to be true. So once I move into my new apartment, which I'll probably stay in for at least a year, I can finally move all of my stuff there (some of which is at my parents' house currently). Still nowhere near as bad as what you're describing - more of an inconvenience. Moving a lot affects your mental state too, of course. It's difficult, because each time you move, it takes a while to adjust to your surroundings. And then just when you've gotten used to it, you have to move somewhere else. But the human mind is very good at adapting, so you find a way to make it work. Another thing I can relate to is the issue of having to deal with other people's problems. I've been kind of a loner for a lot of my life, so I didn't really experience that for a long time. Now I have somewhat of a social life (no girlfriend, though), so I'm having to learn to deal with people and understand and empathize with them, try not to get too pissed off at them, etc. Choosing your friends can be difficult too, I guess because it can be hard to figure out exactly what a person is like when you first meet them. Sometimes you move past that, and sometimes not. I also find that I tend to gravitate towards people who like me. That's pretty normal I think, but it's not always a good thing; because the mere fact that someone likes you doesn't necessarily mean that you would get along with them, if that makes any sense. So, you have to assess your friends, and remove yourself from the ones who treat you like shit, and try to build relationships with people who treat you well. Other than that, I know it's a cliché and probably not what you want to hear, but just try to stay positive. I know that's easier said than done, and probably even more difficult than average given your situation. But if you stay positive, then good things can happen. If all your thoughts are negative, then it's very unlikely that things will change for the better. So, staying positive won't instantly solve all of your problems, and it can take a long time, but it's something to work towards. I hope some part of this has been useful.
really sorry to hear you went through all that. i was very lucky, raised by the stick, walked out at an early age (never contacted family/associates of the time since) and been wary of all seen and prone to questioning ANY 'good deed' at face value especially if i'm not having to offset favour. :? the last paragraph was the last piece of the puzzle, the world is set up that way. (which is why i have zero human contact bar a few friends) i'm the last person to advise on trust, as i don't trust my own judgement when it comes to basic survival. (although, i do a great job, it's cold, calculated and logical) yes, i do low-level drugs constantly, takes me out of the blue-blooded 'R complex' fold, booze sometimes, but it's rough on the insides, so not as much as i would like. ... start from the ground up, redefine what it is you like/enjoy, and stick to it, EVEN if the masses judge you for it, afterall, they're NOT putting food on the table, NOT related to you and DON'T have your best interests at heart. losing the ability to care is too easy, i'm there right now, but i have a quality of living, erecting barriers has helped to retain it. (but i'll NEVER take at expense of others/care what they think, total evasion) ... never a good day to lose friends, been there, and i'll be joining them in due course. ... keep you chin up, there's a strange vibe in the air, i really believe a lot of humanity is wired to feed on misery and suffering of others, just as much as wall street bargains with our very birth certificates as STOCKS/bonds! don't show them anything, no sadness, no happiness, KEEP it all to yourself and share with your most trusted, REAL friends WILL back you to the gates of hell, and then some, you'll know them by the actions/mindsets they display. (and if i die just having ONE friend at my side, it exceeded all my ethreal expectations) ... if text counts as talking, there's plenty of good folks here, just vent away, and sit back and let the responses pile on! ... do what you want to do, be around the folks that have the crowd well being at heart, avoid the materialistic folks, they're a BIG part of the problem, looking to fleece/screw folks for their own profit. ... you're young, DON'T get jaded now, it WILL destroy you mentally. (take it from somebody whos a social pariah) show yourself moderation on substances and mindset. you have it to play for, don't back down now, and DON'T give the 'predators' of this world the satisfaction, rise above em, never look back. all things permitting in future, you'll have your own family in time, give them the life that you never experienced. ... really hope you pull out of the mindset, future is now, look to it, and do the things you enjoy. (screw what the sheeple masses think) all the best, stay strong and the rest will take care of itself, GUARANTEED! :smile-new: [edit] typo...
Ha, thanks everyone. I've spent the past few days avoiding typical routines, being outside a lot more, walking in areas I never explored a lot. It's a nice, welcome change of pace from stagnation at least. A Toubib, I may have to take you up on your college advice sooner or later. HEX1GON, I see what you mean. From what I've gathered, a solid 9-in-10 people aren't worth mixing with at all.. At least past arms length. The drugs aren't the problem, it's the self-gratifying narcissistic sociopathy (which drugs only fuel) that's seemingly ingrained in the majority of the population.. It's especially frustrating to think about when it's harmful to other people. Sociopaths breed sociopaths and pseudo-sociopaths that fight with each other to rule the different facets of the world, all the while hindering it's potential. But hey, I guess none of us would be around without time flowing exactly the way it did, right? la-li-lu-le-lo, It was useful. Positivity is key, it's as easy to remember as it is to forget. Packing light is smart. I used to have a lot of furniture, extra bulk, a much larger game collection and entertainment setup. Now my goal is to make sure my possessions can be stored in something like a van or a pickup truck at the most. Nice to hear you're doing good, man. amiga1200, You're a wise man. Seems like you have thought a lot about this sort of thing. You'll find people that will have your back. Either way, you seem to be a solid indiviualist. Maybe there's a way to avoid being jaded without avoiding the truth of things.
Have I ever told my story? I can't remember. You want somebody who's had a rough go of it, grab some popcorn. Disabled family members, Being misdiagnosed with just about everything begining with the letter A (Before it was finally ruled to be GAD) terrible luck with women, A Transexual cousin who wants to kill me. My life story is an epic tale of getting the raw end of everything. That's just the short version. I have lucky streaks too but my good luck gets outweighed by my bad luck.
Well, where do I begin? your story sure is an ordeal, you did make some obvious mistakes but as you said you were young and well, you can't go back in time so better stop thinking about it and concentrate on the future. I would like to give you some advice but truth is you are not giving me enough information. Deadbeat towns with drug issues are a dime a dozen these days, its no longer a rustbelt problem but something you can find even 50 miles outside LA. And in this "new" economy a degree ain't worth much compared to the cost of college, unless you go into a very specialized (and hard to study for) field. And no matter what they say about telecommuting the truth is if you are in the midwest you make half what you could make in the coasts doing the same job. So before we start I need to know more or less where you are, what your skills are and what resources you have at hand for relocating to some place better.
I live in the mid-Atlantic US. I've been a computer technician at various places on and off for years, but it's a field that's fading away. My resources are limited but something that I have been working to build up recently. College still has some worthwhile attributes (mostly contacts and convenient utilities/recources). I aim to major in Computer Science/Software Development, but yeah.. It is growing increasingly more obsolete and expensive. Almost everyone I know that has a degree has a job in a field that has nothing to do with their major.
The Problem with Computer Science is EVERYBODY is persuing it. I have a friend who is majoring and the best he could do was a job at the computer shop that busted my laptop. I have another old friend who is also looking into it and he's stuck at Starbucks last I knew. I'm studying Psychology myself, my own ordeals inspired me to get into it. That's kind of iffy too but I think I can parlay it into something. Kind of a weird time for college educated people.
I'm gonna be honest here, most degrees are pretty worthless these days. College is the best resource to build connections to get a future job. Think of it as a try out. (There are exceptions like specialized degrees (Doctors, Pharmacy, GIS Engineer, ect.)
GoH: A good point for sure. A lot of people are pursuing Psychology too, but I guess the more you've been through, the more you can connect with people. All the more to you! Have you ever considered neuro-science/psychology? It would be fun to work with an fMRI machine, too. My reason for choosing a CS major is because I want to become an independent designer/one-man studio of sorts and a better understanding of programming would be a very beneficial asset to have in that situation. I really enjoy working with animation, art, modeling, music, writing, and characterizations but I don't want to foray into any of them exclusively.
Neuro Science is insanely complicated and when I took general psychology it was the class section I had the most trouble with. My Ultimate goal is actually to help put an end to autism exploitation Help make people aware that what they think is autism could actually be something else entirely.
Dude can you code at all? anything? send your resume to every startup site relevant to the NYC scene NOW, and if you get a solid offer then sell everything you need to move there. Last time I checked they were hiring anyone over there cuz NYC and tech don't exactly go hand in hand and demand way outstrips any offer. Try that, if you get no answers (or you cant even do a 'hello world') then indeed go to CS. True a lot of people are getting into CS, but that doesn't means they will graduate, that was always the case and CS has terrible turnover rates, a lot of people just wind up hating it and leave.
GoH: Best of luck to you with that. Autism has a pretty nasty stigma attached to it, yet many of the brightest and sharpest people I've met claim to be autistic to some degree. It's not right that mental abnormalities are still classified as "disorders". That style of classification is rather Victorian.. While it does give some good insight into how different minds work, it basically entails that many people in the world aren't quite up to par with some perfect model of a human being that, with further help, they can aspire to be.. This model is even more flawed when you consider that this well-advertised perfect specimen is subjective and different to everyone. Good call, I never knew New York was so desperate for programmers. Jobs are usually very abundant in the area but just as competitive. I wouldn't say I'm sufficient enough in it to sell off all my stuff and move there just yet. It's a very expensive life up there (mostly due to rent.. otherwise long-live corner bodegas), though I suppose there is always the option of living in Hoboken or Jersey City and making a commute. I can write very simple programs in C++/Python/ASM (aka command line text RPGs or programs that store variables and calculate your taxes based off of specific entries). Modifying already built code is a lot easier, but I want to know how every detail clicks together. Lately, I've been studying Python and it's been a good experience so far.
@Eviltaco64: I recommend you take a computer programming course at a college or something. Given what you described, it sounds like you only have a very light understanding about the subject. Probably about "Hobby" level if I had to guess.
That sounds about right. Basically an eager novice when it comes to programming here. I'll stick to learning online and from random books for now and see how it goes until a solid opportunity to return to school arises. Anyway, I think enough's enough here. Thank you everyone, I truly appreciate all the help.
What even is Normal? It's gotten so bad that anybody with the slightest qwirk or abnormality or anything that goes against the grain of what society calls "Normal" gets that person diagnosed with some form of autism. It's exploitive and it hurts people like my brother and sister and another cousin of mine who have legit full fledged no way it could be anything else autism. Because of exploited autism my sister can't even get into an adult day program and GUESS who is stuck watching after her during the day while my parents are working? YEAH I'm sorry to derail this becasue you own predicament that you initially wrote about is quite a codumdrum to be in. As you can guess I've been through enough shit my self to just not give one any more myself. So enough about me, lets get back to you.
Yeah well 90% of those guys saying they are autistic or have aspergers took one of those online tests, they didn't go to an actual doctor. As for NYC, "expensive"? DC is expensive, NYC is the most overpriced dump in the world. Still if you live frugally you can save a lot for the future. About where to crash well I was going to suggest brooklyn but last time I was there those fucking hipsters from williamsburg had already spilled all over the place so the whole are is kind of overpriced as well. The good news is that you might actually be able to land a room with some other dudes for relatively little money. The bad news is that they'll be hipsters, and not wannabe intellectual posers, I'm talking about full-on I-PAINT-ART-WITH-THE-PERIOD-BLOOD-OF-MY-SISTER hipster
