When I was in the hospital I went hypoxic, and woke up four days later. I was sent for spirographic testing, and while in the room for the test, I glanced outside a window. There was a fountain, however to my eyes it was a jumble of large pixel like blocks. Watching it made me feel ill, so I asked the shade be pulled. The other half of the window was uncovered. Suddenly, I started seeing wolves and cats in the trees, and I knew what I was seeing was a lie, and I could no longer trust my vision. I was wheeled back to the room, and I covered my eyes. As I lay there, eyes covered, the conversations about me were normal, then eventually they became distorted. Every conversation was about me, every laugh a joke at my expense. I knew I could not trust what I was hearing. So there I am, in my bed, and I have my "matrix moment". My brain has told me not to trust the part of my brain that controls eyesight. My brain has told me not to trust the part of my brain that controls hearing. So there I am, eyes covered, earplugs in my ears. Two parts of my brain effectively shut out by of all things, my brain. Somewhere in there is a "self". Parts of the brain are merely sensors to it. The pain I felt was insanely intense. My brain wondered if it was real. Suddenly it was no longer real, for if I could shut off my eyes and my ears, pain was no different. The room, the bed, nothing was real. I perceived it all as nothing but matter which could be passed through, like walking between atoms as if they were trees. That was the day I regained my consciousness and pulled through. Nothing has been the same since then.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Nothing is ever the same again, but seeing the world in this way is beautiful. I feel more aware these days, more grateful and in awe of life. I'm sorry what you had to go through and I hope you're doing well.
I m happy that you have experienced this and I wish more people knew the feeling without having been through something painful. It's the realization that we are also machines.
Ditto - for me it made me question love, religion, fear - ultimately accepting what is real by all accounts and what we wish was real through hope... It's easy to lose a bit of determination and direction in life when you perceive things 'as is', but I try and use it to my advantage... try and achieve the things that truly do the 'self' justice and not to waste it. I'm rambling. Good to hear you're back though.
Thanks for this very meta philosophical insight. Take good care of yourself and get well again, Kevin.
while reading it, it sounded like some kinda strange LSD trip to me. anway, wish you a very good recovering
Nowhere near as painful, but after periods of 50-60 or more hours of not sleeping in one streak I sometimes start hearing/seeing things (it's called psychosis, turns out sleeping is kinda important) that aren't there (normal for sleep deprivation). The interesting thing is that my rational part of the brain keeps on functioning. So emotions keep trying to tell me to be scared of the carpet, but yet the rational self knows this is bullshit.
You can have the same experience after 20-30 mins in a sensory deprivation tank. I would not want to revisit that state, I barely made it back..
I've always been fascinated by the subconscious brain, how almost every single aspect of your bodily function is below the level of consciousness that we experience. It's autonomous. For example, you couldn't stop your heart beating if you tried, while it is being controlled by your brain, you yourself are not in complete control of that brain. Perhaps you have achieved enlightenment, Assembler
