Its for a school project but it isnt just a project. The title is something I had in me for abour 2-3 years and after taking two classes in college this semester, those two classes made me realize a lot of stuff that has happened in my life. I'm sharing it with you all to see what you think and to see if you realize the meaning behind all of the stuff that has happened in your life so far. Revised**
Pronoun Clarity...third line. It; it could be rose, magnificence, etc. Other than that, your poem is actually one hell of a poem. Our class just got finished with Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, and Henry David Thoreau, and out of all of those poets, yours seems to have a Walt Whitman format, which is great. Good job.
What do you mean? Which stanza? Last time I wrote a poem was 3 years ago and I don't know all the types of poems. There any sites that can teach me the forms and figure out how to turn mine into a proper, perfect poem?
No, no, no. You are not copying Whitman's poetry if that's what you mean. Whitman discussed life in general, whether in the United States, or his. Anyways, you put: Life is Magnificent/ It is like a beautiful rose/ We enjoy its magnificence/ and cherish every moment of it. See, you MIGHT need Pronoun Clarity, because some might say, "Hey, when stated 'We enjoy its magnificence, could that be the beautiful rose's magnificence, or should that be life?"
The first thing I looked for when I read it was form. There isn't any recognizable one. No rhyme, no rhythm. That's not to say that that's a bad thing though. If this is how the poem came out, this is how it came out. Many great writers have written free verse. Nobody really looks down on it. It's easier too! Just try writing a Sonnet. It's a lot easier to express your ideas without form. Phantasy Star is referring to "its" on line three of the first Stanza. "Its" can either refer to Life or the Rose. I wouldn't write it that way in prose, but this is verse. AND, you did just liken the Rose to life, so it doesn't really matter which one you're referring to. If you like it as it is, leave it as it is. I can't really critique your ideas. I mean...if this is how you feel, this is how you feel. It wouldn't be right to suggest a "better" way to express it. As for what I get from it...I get the idea that you subscribe to the belief that there is a great plan in life. That if we could step back for a moment, we could see that there is beauty in this great plan. With that, we can relax a bit, and realize that things will get better.
It's been revised. I think the last line in first stanza needed pronoun clarity. Thanks for the contstructive criticism!! Show this to your teacher Phantasy and ask her what she thinks of it.
Not to be rude, but it's a he(Hehe). Anyways, he's highly intelligent in poetry, and would love to see this. Being the President of the Literature Club, I am able to put this poem in our "Zine" at school. However, that is if you want it to be in there. But first, as a Club, we have to examine the poem and see if it's capable of being in the Zine. PM me for further details...
madhatter256: i think it is a good poem and a poem doesn´t need any rhymes in it and i think the poem has a little haiku over it
Just a quick comment, "professional" poets tend not to use "x is like y". For effect usually they say "x IS y", like "life is a rose set ablaze". It sounds more poetic/pretentious (though I was never sure if the two terms could be separated at all - I'm not a fan of poetry, it was my least favourite part of studying English).
Shit yeah. I sat there trying to remember the names for like 10 minutes. It's been too long since high school ^_^
