Lacking Self-esteem/ confidence

Anyone here feeling that way? Just curious...

 

You won a race against 300 million sperm cells, you are born a winner!

 

Tell me about it. Going back to the unemployment ranks just sucks.

It makes you wonder wether all the effort put into completing my studies and getting through rough times was worthwhile.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how external circumstances MAKE you feel; you just have to envision yourself as the person you really are. If that person is the same as the person you WANT to be, then there's no reason to feel bad.

 

mainstream self esteem stuff is mostly bullshit.

i really liked RSD though, particularly The Blueprint Decoded.

 

Going back to school has certainly caused that in me. It's super frustrating and disheartening to watch others get stuff with ease, when i have no idea wtf is going on. I guess that's what happens after you're outta school for 10years though.

 

It's not a matter of comparison, your goals should dictate your attitude because you won't get to them if you don't believe in yourself in the first place.

Confidence is a loan - you make it up out of thin air but in time it builds up real confidence inside you

 

I was, then I started work in Retail. You constantly have to talk to people, make decisions etc. It's been about a year, and I'm started to get my confidence back.

 

Story of my life, really

 

Be yourself. The rest will follow.

 

It's amazing how the music can change your mindset

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psaHLi7-DIs

If I'm feeling down I usually find songs that pick me up

or look at failblog, or peopleofwalmart and realize I'm not so bad off

 

What to do when you're sure you'll fail for being yourself? What would you say to someone who understands that failing is part of the process, however for some reason he wants to avoid it?

 

How can you fail at being yourself???
It would be like warm snow or something

 

Because I'm not what I want to be, and I don't want to involve others in the process. I also don't feel like changing because I'm lazy... I don't even play games anymore... I'm getting tired of everything. I guess I'm sick ».«

 

Then change it. Unless it's something like "a big nose" or something requiring like massive surgery, then change what you don't like about yourself. Self-esteem comes from accomplishment, and that comes from rising to a challenge. You don't have to go into it here, but if it's a changeable attribute, knock yourself out.

I'm a totally different person than I was growing up.... mentally, physically, spiritually. The best part of being comfortable with who I am is that I don't have to apologize or explain myself to anyone. Whether it be based on physical appearance, sexual confusion, or just plain down in the dumps, I think not being able to be yourself is a horrible thing to endure. It's the one thing I hope my son is able to achieve early in his life. The rest will take care of itself.

 

Bet you're girlless... girls are that force that stirs you up :033: get one, make some extra friends, attend some courses for things you wished to do...

all people go through such times in life.

 

Sounds to me like you're depressed.

I've been there. Is there anyone you can talk to? Maybe get some counseling or therapy?

If not, trust me, I've learnt this the hard way: do things that make you feel better in the long run, even if you're feeling too lazy or tired to do them. In that case go against your instinct of staying stationary and MOVE. Go out for a walk, listen to some nice music that makes you wanna dance, DANCE alone at home or out with friends, SING, think outloud if you spend too much time alone. But above all, don't let your current situation depress you even more.

There is no way you cannot be yourself. Maybe you're still not the ideal person you'd like to be; but that's life: a series of steps and situations that change the way we are constantly.

 

me.
but i´m somehow starting to get more confidence in what I (<-- is it possible to say it this way? just curious...) do and I try to find other things Im interested in with just trying other things.....so I should survive my last 2 3/4 years of school....and maybe the University after school -.-

 

You are probably not going to like hearing this, but failure is inevitable for anyone who tries to amount to something. I knew, when I was in bad shape awhile ago, that I would fail before my life would come back together again.

But you know what? Failure is good. As long as you are genuinely trying to succeed in whatever it is you are doing--and refusing to give up-- then you can't go wrong. Usually in the beginning it's hard to see this. I know the feeling too well. But once you get back into the groove of things--like making meaningful friendships, small accomplishments like an all A+ report card, or even big ones like saving someone's life-- the failures become worth it.

But like another poster said, it could be what you are doing that is causing the problem. Is it something you feel happy doing, or are you chasing after something "far away" for nostalgical purposes? Look deep within you. What was something you absolutely loved doing as a kid? That will make you happy.

Passion is the driving force behind creation. Every person on earth hopes to "make it big" and "achieve something great", but not everyone decides that acting is better than dreaming. Fear of "failure" will only encourage you to stay where you are, bored and confused, for however long you choose to wait. You only have one life. Do not waste it.

I can totally relate to this.

 

gain confidence.

Hmm... maybe English isn't your first language? We have a saying, that you have to "hit rock bottom" before you get better. It's usually used for people who are on a downward spiral mainly b/c of drugs and or alcohol. And it's pretty much true. But saying you're destined to fail only b/c you true is not really true.

I had a half Japanese Asian Literature teacher in university that basically said trying to use Japanese professionally was useless b/c I'd be going up against true bilinguals.

WUT?

Pretty sure I told her I was all set to move to Japan after graduation (this was my 2nd to last semester) but maybe she was talking about professionally in the states. Don't know. BUT... my first two IT jobs I got b/c I spoke Japanese. They didn't give a fuck what I knew about computers as long as I knew how to turn them on. Great advice, teach. What a dumb ass.

Moral of the story: everyone else is stupid. If you don't go through life thinking at least most people are less intelligent than you, then life will be frustrating. And this is my definition of the word intelligent. Has fuck all to do with book smarts, and everything to do with using your head. Most people don't do this...ever. I have a bachelors in Liberal Fucking Arts and that's all, and I've made a decent living for myself in a totally unrelated field. Why? I use my head (and of course, worked hard along the way).

W/o knowing your issue totally, it's hard to gauge. If it's health related, you can most certainly change your life for the better without fail. In fact, I think it's harder to fail than succeed in such a case once you get the right mental outset.

 

Thank you all for the great advices, I guess it helped a bit!

I don't know why, but since my last post I've been acting very confident in real life... I'm trying to focus myself to not withdraw this state of mind, as it always happens. So far so good, heh.
I'll tell you guys what my problem is. I'm very lazy, and when I say very, I mean A LOT.

I used to be an excellent student a few years ago... I used to get the highest ranks at all subjects, I was the best and everybody admired me. However when I was in my 15/ 16 years old, I changed to a different home/ city and I failed completely at school on that year. I managed to get better results later on because I'm the type of the guy who likes to archive anything with the minimum work possible, doing tricks and stuff, so I got to university last year with a nice grade.
Everything seem nearly ok doesn't it? But it isn't what it seems! To get where I am I had to pay my studies, and I mean I were in paid schools to get me higher level marks on these later years, and so I totally lack the ability to organize my study. I simply don't know how to do it, and I get bored as soon as I start, which is frustrating. I always give up at everything, I'm a douche.
I have huge ambitions but lack of motivation... it's like sailing in a desert sea... So that's the end of part I.

Part II does have to do with social interact skills with women. You may be thinking if I am a fat ass.. and fortunately I've been told and I consider myself a good looking guy I am also very healthy (usually work out frequently at the gym and so on), never did drugs/ smoke or drink alcohol.
However, I'm very shy when I see/ talk to pretty girls. I know this sounds dumb and it really is, but if the girl is ugly, I'm more than fine to speak to her, it's like she was my buddy already. Due to this issue, I can't approach beautiful ladies, AKA the women I want to be with! :/ I never get the girl I want, instead I get picked once in a while by some ugly chick :x
When I try to meet the beauties, I always get dreaded in the friendly zone. I'm always called bestfriend/ sweet/ and a pile of other shit, while the bad guys around get to fuck them. It's disgusting!
The reason why I don't feel confident to approach the girls I want to be with is because I think they deserve someone better. Women like funny guys and shit and I'm more of the quiet type dude. I always run out of things to say, and the only thing I care about is video-games :s I need to widen my horizons so badly...

All in all, I can deal the women part in the long run I hope, the thing that really worries me is my lack of motivation to do what I feel I have to do, be it simply playing a video-game, or study to archive something great in life. I have so many dreams and ideas I would like to fulfill that I feel it's a waste not doing them. I believe I can solve many of the above mentioned issues if I get past this. I've been lazy for a long time and I'm bored.