Lacking Self-esteem/ confidence

The "friendship zone" is a comfortable delusion. It's nice to think that that hot chick you know just hasn't thought of you in that way. Truth is she's looked at you, decided you were nice but she didn't want to fuck you/have a relationship, and hence you're friends. I don't mean to be personal or cruel about it (God knows I've been there enough times myself), but I've heard that line too many times, and it's especially common among nerds. Let's not perpetuate the myth that women don't know who they're attracted to. It's patronising, really.

What are you studying? Any way you can edge in some of your interests? I know that for me university study only really came to life when I bent the rules a little bit to develop and write about something much more interesting. Got top grades for it, too - turns out my lecturers were more interested in initiative and quality work than strict adherence to the syllabus.

 

One of my favorite quotes ever.

 

I exploded in my second year of computer engineering studies. Never been the same since. I'm pretty much worried, afraid, depressed at all times for something or another. But I've gotten used to it.
Lately whenever I do "fun" things, I realize I'm putting on some sort of "enjoyment facade" because I know I should be having a good time.

It really kills the drive to get anything done - whether it be school, work, or personal.


I just try my best to stay busy. Do things to fill time that are productive and have a goal in the back of my mind (like when studying, I just think about how relieved I can feel when I finish).
As for relationships with people? Just let them happen. That's the one greatest thing I learned over the past year is that dwelling-on and forcing these things just makes it worse.

 

I think if you can sort this bit out, then it will have a possitive impact in the rest.
Trust me on that. Being pretty much the only woman in an all male friend circle I've learnt this lesson the hard way. Sometimes it's just better to NOT date someone for the wrong reasons (whichever they might be).
If a girl just wants to be friends with you, then it's great. Chances are you will both profit from that relationship.. and let's face it, not every situation that ends up with two naked people in a bed turns out to be the best.

You shouldn't think of yourself as unworthy of someone's attention. If the girl is responding to your interaction, then just go ahead and take some action. Ask her out, buy her a drink... I don't know. Do the usual thing in your country. Focus on the things that make you an interesting person (and don't tell me you don't know what those things are because that would be BS) and let her know about them.

We all have something to offer. Just go ahead and believe that you are as interesting as any other guy (and chances are you are more interesting than the average joe). Have fun and stop worrying so much. Rejection is not the end of the world

 

At the risk of sounding unpopular, you might want to go and cut loose. People can preach all they want, but I'm a firm believer in work hard, play hard. I've been drinking way more these days b/c I've been busting my cock at work. It's not for everyone, but I seriously doubt so many people would drink if there was zero pleasure in it. To boot, it will make talking to women a lot easier.

As for drugs... well... they're even more fun in the right setting, but I don't know what the repercussions are in your country. Here, they are stiff, so I don't fuck w/ them. I'm also a bit too old for that now.

 

I saw some price comparison image about the cost of weed in various places worldwide, among the first-world nations apparently Japan was the most expensive - like £40 for an eighth. No wonder nobody smokes it if that's true.

 

You're completely right. So how did you get past that? I don't like to act like I'm the best or something, like most dicks do... there's should be some other way out? Or maybe the girls really do like the "bad boys"??

It doesn't necessarily have to do with the subject itself, I just don't feel like to study whatever it may be.
However I can tell you I've been making some effort these last couple days and I'm trying to change my inner-self to make more things within the day. I studied philosophy at the university last year, but I decided to quit it for something else... something I really want to do.
I also got really good news today regarding that matter. I got to know that I passed on all the exams for the police academy whereas I'll be studying for a year to become a cop. I will start the course in January and I think I'm ready to study and change my life from now on, at least I hope and I'm positive that that will happen! I've got to be, I passed on a lot of exams to reach this, so I'm just one step away from being battling the crime in the streets:Rock:.

Oh, that was what I was about to say.. Which girl would like to talk about anime/ videogames/ hardware/ etc.? Seriously:crying:

Since you're a girl... give me your advice on what do women really look forward to in a guy? A don't tell me they like sensitive guys, cause that's BS!:fresh:

 

That's because all drugs are equally devilish there. I could see a foreigner getting caught with it and immediately getting the boot.


In my experience, any female that doesn't seem to be interested in you isn't worth losing sleep over. I got fucked-over pretty hard putting entirely too much effort into a relationship that basically didn't exist in the first place (of course, I didn't know that at the time).

 

Well, for starters nobody wants a crying baby who doesn't know what he wants.

Most women want a man to be the iniciator of things, and by this I don't mean you should be pushy or anything. Just be yourself and if you like a girl make the move and RESPECTFULLY ask her out and or tell her you like her.

Any girl will feel flattered by that. We all like the attention.

Most NORMAL women also like someone who is attentive and who isn't afraid to show his emotions (without turning into a giant crying baby that is ). Respect is never overrated. That's pretty much it I think. But basically, that goes for every relationship doesn't it?

Regarding what you would talk about, it's part of being yourself. I mean, if you like anime and videogames there's nothing wrong with talking about it... as long as you keep an ear open for what her interests are and what she has to say.


Hmm, for more information on how to win over a woman, call 1-800-KPanggg (donations sent via paypal are accepted with many grateful thoughts ;-))

 

Haha, I'll think about that :lol: Anyways, thanks for the tips!

 

Never seen the actual flowers here. It's generally hash, an it's sold in grams at about 3000-4000 yen per. Or it was anyway.

They're actually not. While the penalties and perceptions of them are all tougher across the board, you are far more likely to get just probation with something like weed than with the dreaded methamphetamine. And, even as a foreigner, you're not guaranteed to get the boot. If you have a wife, your chances are in your favor. If you have a kid w/ a Japanese, you have to do something really bad to get deported. (Knocks on wood).

Fun Fact: Japanese are the ones that first synthesized speed.

That's awesome for the first date. Don't get his hopes up though. He should be fully aware she'll most likely turn into a bitch at some point down the road.

 

This man speaks the truth. I think women don't see this as clear as guys do, maybe because they don't want to admit they act like that, I dunno.. BUT, I suppose if a dude tells a girl she's pretty and stuff, he'll get dumped sooner or later, and enslaved in the "friend zone" for the rest of his life. :evil:

 

Acting like a dick won't make things any better

 

6-pack a day keeps the psychiatrist away. Seriously just start drinkin, smoke pot, snort coke once in a while, heck even try crack. Life is too short. dont fuck with meth though.

 

:flamethrower::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: That made my day!!!

 

I can only suggest a few things that have worked for me.

For self-esteem/confidence, I'd say you should find a constructive hobby that you truly enjoy. For me, that was skateboarding. I can't tell you how many wonderful people (women included) I've met through doing that alone. I used to be a very fat and awkward recluse of a kid, and then out of nowhere I was a slim kid who loved to have a good time with tons of people. It doesn't have to be a sport or anything, but if you find a pastime that you like, you will eventually build your skill up to a level you're proud of. That can do wonders for anyone.

As for the friendship zone, just be a little more aggressive. That's all you have to do. If you're gonna get trapped in the friendship zone anyway, what do you really have to lose? Try not to act so friendly, let her know that you're interested. Don't be a dick or anything, but just don't let yourself be "just a friend." Ask her on dates. If she says no, be a little more persuasive. If she still says no, oh well. Move on. You'll find your someone someday buddy!

 

you never tell a girl she's pretty.... infact never be kind, unless you're drunk then it becomes acceptable. You have to understand women want a man, not a sissy boy.

 

Actually it usually does. Ever heard "nice guys don't finish last?". Sure fire way to make a woman want your cock? Don't give a shit about her.

 

You should have learnt something from Justin Bieber...


Shame on you Gaijin... SHAME ON YOU!!

 

With me i dont think its a lack of confidence as im able to stand up for myself its just I dont know whether people feel the same about me or not.