One of our Members is close to his end

AG Member is close to his end

A close friend of mine has run into tough times.

He is also a member on this site but has asked me to protect his identity

Honestly seeing him deteriorate since his injury has also effected me.
Its been too long since I've seen the guy smile. I'm not sure what will help...

He's attempted suicide in the past, so I worry for his safety.

Any advice on anything or how as a friend I can help?

The full details of his situation are on a blog entry he wrote:

http://deepseadarkness.blogspot.com/

He wanted this to be posted:

I've already tried to spread my plea for help. But, have been met with scepticism and unhelpful ambiguous advice & replies.

I've found the various private communities as a home away from home. Here I've found some of the most well-grounded and logical people on the earth. I value their advice & help much more then any random advice. Online communities have been a great place to escape the harsh world of my realities.

I wish to be anonymous as posting under my own username would highly compromises my situation.

Thanks, Sincerely...
"Ellie"

 

That is really sad.

But since he is a musician, I'd recommend him to research the stories of Jason Becker http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jason_Becker and Django Reinhardt http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Django_Reinhardt.

Both are musicians with (major) handicaps and both still accomplished A LOT. They are a huge inspiration for me, although I am not handicapped. Still, whenever I want to give up something I remember them.

Nick Vujicic is also a great inspiration: http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

Hope this helps at least a little... sure, it doesn't ease the pain, but I think it encourages him to hang in there!

 

About the money issue - why not try to ask celebrities? Some of them are known for donations and good will, like Jennifer Aniston, Lady Gaga, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney... your friend could write a personal letter, or post on their blog if available.
It sounds like the very first step would be to solve the financial issues so he could at first continue to conduct the lawsuit and secondly pay his medication and doctors.

I'm not sure because I don't think it was mentioned in the story on his blog, but it didn't sound like he was in therapy. That's the first thing I'd recommend in such a situation. The assault and rehab would already have been enough to justify a therapy.

 

He definately needs therapy and maybe financial help I hate to say it but if you can get him help (mental or anything) do so. I want to know how a dream team of lawyers is going to get him out of it. Surely if he was caught they have evidence. Scummy little fuck needs to pay up for what he has done.

Is the pain nerve releated? I've been following Captain Crunch (The hacker)'s situation for a while. He was beat up in prison and this had effectively rendered him immobile unable to type. His few updates were via voice recognition. If so read up on this. However the surgery and medication were not cheap. He is however on the road to recovery.
http://savingcaptaincrunch.com/about-the-surgery/

 

He has a Dutch background on his blog?

 

I'd advise him to try to tackle his depression first, it'll be making his other problems feel 10 times worse.
I'm not sure how the Canadian health service works, hopefully medication and therapy for mental health issues doesn't come with a heavy cost.

Once his depression is under control, he'll be better tooled up to tackle all the other shit he's having to endure.

Never underestimate a lawyer.
The more money they are paid, the harder they'll work to find legal loopholes. Nick Freeman is a good example of this, most notably for getting celebrities off the hook from speeding charges.

 

Thanks guys. I was actually expecting a major backlash with people being skeptical of the truthfulness of this. Or thinking it was a big scam for donation money. I'm glad it didn't turn out that way as Ellie is depressed enough as it is.

So the support is really awesome. Honestly, even legal advice or inspirational thoughts would be appreciated.

Though of course donations through Paypal,even like $2, would be a huge pick me up to show that people out there honestly care.

See the blog: http://deepseadarkness.blogspot.com/

I'm trying my best to help in all the ways I can...but, I'm also a poor student.

"Ellie" has a twitter account, as do I

http://twitter.com/#!/EKDrake

We've tried things like getting a hash tag trending ( #SaveEllie ) and reaching out to celebs. Especially the celebs who are trending the other tragic story in the twitterverse about Alice a 15 year old with cancer.

See#AliceBucketList for more on that.

But, nobody will even donate a retweet, which is pretty upsetting.If you look at his tweets you'll see there's definitely an effort.

The highest point of our "campaign" was a tweet from Oprah...or so he thought..:redface:

http://twitter.com/#!/TM_Oprah/status/82520147344097280

Actually it was just some twitter account that tracks @oprah mentions.
The blog has like 40 page views...so it's definitely depressing.

I'm not too knowledgeable about the twitterverse & neither is he...For instance I don't have many people following me other then a bunch of AdultFriendFinder spam accounts .

So, if you have a twitter account...or really anyway of spreading the word please do.

I'm no legal expert, so I'm not sure exactly how hopeless his court case is. But, I know the assaulter/mugger was offered a ridiculously good plea bargain that he continued to reject:

No jail time & 2 months of community service, for admission of guilt.

Combined with a quick search on the guys law firm I think you can definitely call his lawyers "the dream team". As they are an incredible expensive firm.

One of the major problems about this whole situation is that the trial has really caused Ellie to isolate himself.

Early on his lawyers advised him to stop activites like facebooking and social networking. So he stopped a lot of social activities to prevent getting posted in photos on facebook, etc. Something he used to love. He also stopped publicly posting his music due to it's themes related to mental illness.

The "stay out of the limelight" advice is smart theoretically as there are plenty of examples of defense lawyers using stuff like that to pad their case.

But, when the case has dragged on nearly 5 years now. Its almost as if he's had to censor himself constantly.

The worst part is even after all precautions the "dream team" has managed to dig up a lot of dirt. What completely broke Ellie's spirit was when they served him with a 500 page spiral bound book detailing a order for the release of his past mental records.

In the preliminary trial the defense lawyer used the tactic of continually trying to make Ellie slip up by trying to coax an admission that Ellie attacked the guy first and then the guy acted in self-defense. So they want his mental records to try and paint a bad picture of Ellie.

Real therapists charge insane amounts even in Canada where people think health care is free.
It really isn't...there are pros and cons..
"Free Health Care" means we have a doctor shortage and it's hard to get a knowledgeable doctor. Plus, it takes for ever to see any sort of specialists or access essential services due to crazy long waiting lists.

The best doctors born here, usually go to the USA where they can make like 3 times what they'd make in Canada. My Family Doc for instance is like 60 years old...and is a bit of a tool. But I go to him out of convenience.



There are also a ton of loopholes where Dr's can charge for so-called "uncovered" services. Even his psychiatrist (A M.D.) somehow could bill him a lot.

Plus, since a psychologist (therapist) isn't technically a M.D. they can charge a lot per hour. He was being helped by a truly awesome one for a while, but the rate was like $220 per hour.
Most "experts" charge similar amounts you will find. So he lost a lot of his personal funds to trying to get help with his depression. Plus, the cost of new medications and rehab has added up to thousands of dollars since his injuries. Rehab also isn't covered very well.

PS: If a mod wants to move this topic to a public forum on AG that'd be fine. We could as much support as possible.

Also, I'm posting part of this post on the deep sea darkness blog. I'm helping him with some things so I have access.
Thanks again everyone.

http://deepseadarkness.blogspot.com

 

Ellie's twitter and blog have been deleted...

Based on some advice I think it's for the best...at least for now.

The situation has gotten somewhat better though because of some inspirational advice. So please don't worry on that front. For now though I think it's best if this topic is also deleted. As it could screw up the whole court case royally.

PLEASE DELETE THIS TOPIC ASAP!

 

Well said.

 

+1 on what kev said

 

I don't understand how you want to keep this persons identity a secret but, at the end of the blog post, you can clearly see the full name?

Anyway, Assembler summed it up pretty well -

All this talk of suicide is, perhaps, a bit too much though - Ellie obviously had a good childhood so, rather than think of yourself, why not think about the pain and suffering you will cause to all those people around you? Suicide is a selfish act. When you're gone the people around you will have to live with that pain forever...

Have you thought about the possibilities if it goes wrong (and it very often does) That pain you feel now will be a thousand times worse...

I'm sorry, but someone had to say it.

 

I guess it's fine if this stays open, you guys are awesome and supportive.

Please don't spread this...beyond this forum

If anyone is interested in helping financially, PM me and that'd be awesome.

Any thing would be awesome.

Other then that life is life.

There's a million layers to the story... I think msg board posts could never really do it justice... Nor could tweets...

Which is why the blog and twitter were deleted.

The lawyers were could twist and turn things because they can base a case off of "snippets" of life.

People are 3D. But, in court you get a 2D picture.
Heck even the assaulter might be a great guy in some ways. Or he could have his own back story... maybe he's like Magneto ;-)


To be clear... "Ellie K. Drake" / Elliot Kurt Drake is a pseudonym made up of Elliot Smith,Kurt Cobain and Nick Drake. Who are famous musicians that ended up killing themselves.

Anyways, it's not worth talking so much.

"Forget it, Jake. It's Canadiantown."

But, one day I hope we can reveal all the details in full...maybe write a book or something like. It would give him purpose, perhaps
For now I want to share a story of true friends.

Well "ellie" has attempted suicide before and had it go wrong... actually I was there...

It's sad… he's been probably been hospitalized more times then most people ever are hospitalized in a lifetime.

He's been to the hospital so many times unfortunately through the years. Many times after unsuccessful suicide attempts.


I witnessed this once myself..
I remember he called me crying late at night around 3 am telling me he had slit his wrists and was going to end it all. I remember I was actually at a bar partying and was pretty drunk.

But, hearing my BFF in agony killed me it honestly did.. This was a guy who always put on such a positive exterior, a guy who put his friends first. His cries must have given me some sort of adrenaline shot. I talked him down and ran over with one of my other friends accompanying me.

Suddenly I could think clearly even though I was legally drunk and ran through the night. I had a spare key so I opened the door to find him in a blood soaked in the tub.

I blame myself for what happened after… He persuaded me against calling 911.

Though he seemed fine. So I bandaged his cuts up as best I could and we decided to take a walk to have a late bite snack at our fav late night joint.
I can't reveal the restaurant but they make some of the greatest food I ever have known.

Me, him and my other good friend had a pretty good time actually considering the circumstances.

We even joked over our love of video games.
I lolled and said
"You have so much to live for... I mean Twilight Princess is almost out! Right? Plus plenty of other great games come out every year..."

He put a smile..patted me on the back and said "thanks dude…I don't know what I'd do without you guys. Your the definition of true friends".

I made him sleep in my spare bedroom back at my apartment. But, he woke in the middle of the night and disappeared.

Some point later he sent me a text with a suicidal overtone… like "I'm dragging you down man…live your life without burden"

I woke up my friend and we spent the night searching to find him. Even getting the cops to bust open his door (as he'd taken back the spare key). He wasn't in the apartment…So the rest of the night I was going out of my mind.

I finally tracked him down…he was in critical condition at the nearby hospital. Fuck…it tears me up just thinking about how he looked.
The look in his eyes even…

I don't know the exact details but I think he tried overdosing on medication and started having a seizure or something and was oscillating and smashing his body against in the halls of his apartment building and then a neighbour called 911.

It's painful for me as well to see whats happened…

 

Good friends can get you through dark times.

Invite him out with you. Persuade him any way. He may say his exterior will mess things up but good friends don't give a damn about that. Involve him as much as possible. Hell just game with him when you have time.

 

Support him in times where he probably doesn't expect anyone to be there for him. I know the feeling of seeing your friends flee away when your temper isnt exactly jolly and you need the support....

 

I agree with Kevin, sometimes a change is for the best - put a new perspective on things.

You do need to see it as a test when you're in these situations, and find a bright side. Michael J Fox says he's lucky to have Parkinson's as taking away what he had has shown him what he still has left.

Friends can be important in these situations, sure, and I think it's great that you're there for him. Having said that, we're not psychologists, nurses or experts on this situation, and sometimes the best thing is to give them the help they need. It can be the hardest thing to let go, but sometimes that's for the best. Whilst it's good that you had time with him that time, hopefully you learnt from that experience that calling for help would be the right thing to do.

I know this isn't something you'd want to hear, but if someone REALLY wants to kill themselves, you're not going to stop them. Sure, you can be there for them, you can stop them 50 times, or 100 times... but there'll be a 101st time when you're not there.

Ultimately, I'd say make sure he gets the help he needs - but assure him that you'll be there for him afterwards. Perhaps suggest that when he's more up to it, you'll go on a trip together - get that time away, give things a new perspective.

I didn't see the blog before it went down, so I'm not sure of the full situation - just speaking from the depression point of view, really. He's not alone, I'm sure many of us have had depression at some point, so we understand. I hope all will be OK for him.

 

I think the problem here is the embellishment of the said persons story and predicament.

What's done is done and I think it's now a 50/50 scenario. You either do one thing or another and in this persons case it's either top him/herself or just get out there and start living.

It sounds harsh but tough love is the best love. You can sit for hours days and weeks talking about it but the longer its dragged on and reviewed the worse it seems and the worse it gets.

I suffer from depression. It fucked my life up big style a few years back. Y'know what got me through it? HBOs Band of Brothers. You can laugh all you want or not take me seriously, but I was on the brink of suicide and then watching that show and thinking christ if I was in that era at this age I'd most likely be going through what those guys did. I'm seriously lucky to be who and what I am now, even if I don't think that amounts to much special.

This person is having issues and I totally get that, some of them are psychological and I understand that, that goes beyond feeling a little glum but sometimes it really does pay to drop the sympathy and the worry and just say look. Get busy living or get busy dying. Jumping into something new at the deep end is terrifying and such an uphill struggle for someone with depression but once you're out there you'll never look back.

It can be something really really small, going to the park to draw a picture at 2pm every afternoon or something daft like that can make a huge difference.

The alternative is to just end it. Either way this person has to make a choice, sooner rather than later because not only will it just pull him further and further down but everyone and everything around him too, depression does carry with it a certain degree of selfishness.

I'm a mean bastard I know but I live with this illness everyday and every morning when I wake up it's a choice between lying in bed and rejecting the world and possibly myself or getting up and proactively doing something, just anything to justify my existence. Routine is also important.

 

A sad quote from EK in a chat I had with him…


"I need help!

I can't take it! I'm very sick and I'm losing control of my body to move….my hand is shaking….
I'm scared! Things are getting so bad that I'm crying…and screaming in agony from the horrible pain!…My family is failing apart because in the night I lay awake screaming as if i'm being stabbed by a thousand men.

It's so bad that if I take a blue flame blowtorch and put it on my skin I feel nothing because I'm in so much pain….
The thing is I know I'm brilliant…I have these amazing ideas…if only I could regain normality! I fear it's almost too late.

I've started fainting and having memory loss…were I repeat myself over again… and i'm dizzy the room is spinng…
and I'm hot…so hot! the skin on me is burning and itchy itchy.

I love my headphones and I spend a good 500 dollars on them…music is my escape…

Ahh it's so hard to type…now the pain is in my fingers.

But, I'm so shaky … I don't know… the doctors are trying everything./..

I'm gonna switch to using speech recognization soon…
Please I need to make these headphones work wirelessly with my iphone.


Ahh….the pain is awful…I can't type much longer …it hurts to bad…

I went to the drug store to pick up a new prescription my Dr. called in which is stronger and more effective then what I use for pain…

I get there and one month of the pills is 268 dollars! It's not covered by the government. Now I have to suffer..!! SUFERRRR...

I need rehab therapy… dietians…

Oh and FUCK ME UP THE Ass…They told me in a few months I'm set to get diabetes if I don't drop like 30pounds. But, I get animal urges from my meds that cause me to binge for 2 hours in the night.

I then wake up and use the toliet 6 times a dayyuu nd have a painful experience relieving myself.

If anyone could help with anything : donations of money or advice ,freedom… it'd be a blessing from god….

I feel like the wind knocked out of me…I'm losing track of my thoughts the pain is making me unable to thing….!

I'm crying….why can't anyone help…or help by giving me a handgun…or euthanasia.

My family are neverous wrecks they can't take the yelling, crying, the noise of me flopping to the floor when I faint….THEY SCREAM and hit me with small blunt objects. Which leaves a bruise… Then they ask

"ARE YOU HAPPY!!! ARE YOU HAPPY YOU are fucking everything up for everyone. Shut up Ellie no one can sleep and your ruining our lives…

Do you want to goto a homeless shelter! Do you want to go to the hospital and wait around 6 hours… No ? then stop…"


Uhhh!…the room is spinning…the lord or the god or the super mario should take me to that great great unknown.

I love music and playing guitar…the shaking made me drop my baby(the guitar) on the groundI.,.It's the last beautiful thing I own and cost me so long to save for it! it' was maybe 525 dollars. A gorgeous martin guitar. Now it's all dented and scratched

THis is no longer deppppressionaa it's pain or insanity…

Advice! MONEY anythhhhing ppleaseee

Shit I'm starting to develop a stutter in my speech too.
"

 

What is the pain? nerve?

 

Maybe I can help him a little bit I have a background in counseling.
I like to help people in need whenever I can.