The never ending story

...and I thought "It seems there's not much time left, I gotta act fast". I got out of my car, opened the trunk, took the dog by a rear leg and put the neck in the edge, then I repeatedly started to hit the damn dog with the trunk door as I let escape the creepiest laugh I ever heard. The woman was watching the scene without making a single move or gesture, like it wasn't the first time it happened. The land shook once again and a huge shadow appeared in the horizon so I speeded up my pace.

After 26 consecutive hits I noticed that my improvised guillotine wasn't working as expected, probably because the trunk door was horribly bent (possibly in those old days when I used to run through tollbooths in reverse or that time I got a bit drunk and took my car to a skate park). However I didn't have much time as a second and much louder groan sounded not so far away. I decided to forgive the dog's life for now and get going but the woman wasn't gonna let me go so easily...

 

she started yelling at me and extracted a 44 from her flower-designed bag. "I won't let you go so easily, after what you've done to Mr. Fluffy!" Suddenly a great noise was heard and i felt warm and wet in my chest.

COUGH, COUGH! What's up? i looked down to my chest and i saw my dog sleeping there... "Dirty wet bastard get off!" i Sent him away and started dressing up. A special day was awaiting me...

 

Special day, tyeah, I mean what worse could happen? I'm dreaming about a woman smoking to my face, smiling with a set of rotten yellow teeth and who happens to own the most stupid and ugliest dog on earth. That same dog that resists 26 hits boot hits!!! And then I wake up with my freakin' dog on my chest who obviously has still no interest in chewing mint gum before giving me his usual lick and greet in the morning??? I'm getting a cat!!!

Woman, Dog, earth shaking, Dog again, I'm done with ruhm...

As I get out of block 78D Area 5, contemplating this beautiful day of July (sun, birds flying, short skirts), I suddenly realise that my car is completely covered in bird shit (apparently it was a big bird) a special day today indeed, because I will be walking to work, tonight I'll remember that leaving the top of my convertible opened under a tree for the night was not the best idea I've ever had...

It's a really quiet morning, no planes in the sky, barely a few cars, streets empty, where is everybody today?

 

In west Philadelphia born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys, who were up to no good,
startin making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said, 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day. But she packed my suite case and send me on my way. She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'...

 

...First class, yo this is bad. Drinkin' orange juice out of a champagne glass is this what the people of Bel-Air are livin like ? Hmm, this might be alright...

 

As I walked past the old TV stored, playing 'Fresh Prince' on the display models, I recalled how grateful I was that I was Australian, and had parents. As I turned the corner, a crowd of people stood before me, all looking into the distance. What were they looking at. I strained my eyes against the rising sun, and just made out a silouette. What is that thing....?

 

.. chillin out, maxing, relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys that were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "You're moving with your aunte and uncle in Bel-Air.

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said 'fresh' and had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I though now forget it, yo homey to Bel-Air!

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo, homes smell you later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

When all of a sudden...

 

...I looked at the needle sticking out of my arm, the World collapsed in on itself and span, span, span faster and faster! The bloody lights were whirling around and I lashed out at the only object in the hospital ward I recognised. A TV tube smashed into pieces as my left foot crashed into the stand, sending the damned crazy light show onto the hard floor. Whatever repeat show the TV was spewing out came to a sudden end as it hit the deck.

I was strapped to a bed frame and coming round from some hellish freak show.

Above me a voice came crackling through the haze. Alright you utter bastard, you've had your fun, now tell me where the hell she is...

 

I gave a sinister snigger and replied "as if i'd tell you were she is"

The refusal to give any details away wasn't going down too well and another needle was shoved in my other arm and i suddenly lost all basic use of my body

"Now i'll ask again where the hell is she" came from the voice buit this time being shouted to me and i then.....

 

A couple of time zones away, the slim 27 year old blond who was the subject of that line of questioning & who had been laying in the grassy yard at the back of the safe house, idly staring at the clear blue sky suddenly sat bolt-upright. Call it a woman's intuition. Call it telepathy. Whatever. She just knew that something had gone wrong. Very badly wrong. She reached into her handbag & pulled out her cellphone. Hesistating for just a moment, she dialed & waited... "Dammit!", she thought - he's not answering...

 

This man's teeth are yellow, and he smells like fucking shit.

That is all I could think to myself. Each time that disgusting jackass leered closer with that sickly jaundiced grin, something in me made me struggle against the ropes all the harder. They were tight and chaffing my skin and making me bleed, but fuck all that. The only thing I cared about was somehow getting through all this so I could kill this man.

He took a long drag from one of those funky colored fag cigarettes, the kind filled with weird ass herbs and plants and shit, then exhaled from skinny nostrils.

"What the fuck are you smoking that shit for," I said. "This is a hospital."

He did not answer, merely gave me another jolt. 50,000 volts sustained for 20 seconds.

20 seconds. It sounds so short when you say it like that.

"You vill teel me now? Or vill we have a repeet of vat happened yistarday?" This is the stupidest fucking accent I've ever heard in my entire life. What a load of shit.

"You had better kill me." I answered. "Becasue if I ever get out of here I am going to rip your fucking Kraut balls off and shove them in your empty gaping eyesockets="

20 more seconds. Jesus fucking Christ.

Ten thousand miles away there is a girl somewhere that will die a horrible death if I can't hate this man enough to save her.

So far, that hasn't been a problem.

 

As i stared into the vile mans eyes i could feel the hate getting stronger and stronger and just as i thought i had a grasp of how his mind works "Poof" he disappeared right in front of me.

"Ahhh Shit" i shouted out as if i had forgotten some which wasn't that hard when 50,000 volts are going through you.

What seemed like 30 seconds later i was waking up feeling drowsy with no sense of what was going on but it was clear from the smoke i had been given something which knocked me out.

As i look all arround i could feel myself moving more freely and from nowhere i heard a voice exclaim thats all i can help you with, I was ultimatley still strapped up but someone had tried to help me a little.

10,000 miles away a girl in her mid 20's is.........

 

Meanwhile, Destiny, a rather chubby 30-something single mum, was getting the kids ready for school. "Have you got your lunches?" she asked Mark, the troublesome 13-year-old. "Sure" he replied with contempt. They'd had a fight last night about the potential impacts of playing violent video games that culminated in him lashing out with a Wavebird to Destiny's face. "Run along, or you'll be late for the bus" she urged.

Mark, and his older sister, got to the curb just as the bus arrived. Destiny waved a slow wave as the bus rolled away. Half a block later... BOOM, the bus exploded, shattered glass showering all areas within 50 metres. Destiny didn't flinch.

She knew this was just the beginning.....

 

but she lit a joint and watched teletubbies, then turning on the SNES to remind herself of her long lost son who used to play Super Metroid. He changed his sex because..

 

...of a clerical mix-up at the Department of births & deaths, which on the face of it, turned out to be easier to rectify with surgery, than messing with an Amazonian forest of forms, affadvits & assorted paperwork would have been. He/she always told friends that it was because he/she thought of Samus as a hero-figure, but this was merely a cover story.

Destiny was involentarily snapped from her memories, by the unexepected (and unorthadox) arrival of a dead carrier pigeon tied to a brick that had just smashed through her living room window, landing at her feet. She couldn't stop herself from thinking "It's going to be one of *those* days", as she bent down to read the note attached to the lifeless bird's leg...

 

as she unwrapped it, her jaw dropped in terror as the letters on the paper formed words that read "Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Weve know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But youre too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it

And if you ask me how Im feeling
Dont tell me youre too blind to see

Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, five you up

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand"

as she finished reading it the pegion jerked back to life as it violently thrashed around, still attached to the brick.

 

Recovering momentarily from the trauma of being 'rickrolled', she felt a pang of motherly sympathy for the now thrashing pigeon - picking it up, she thought to herself "Fly free little bird - taste the freedom that I could never have myself". She lifted her arms & thrust the pigeon into the air. She immediately realised her error as the hapless creature dropped like a stone, smashing the SNES into a thousand pieces. Picking the pigeon up once more, this time she first detached it from the brick before sending it on it's way.

Then, she noticed there was something written on the other side of the sheet of Rick's finest words of love...