Vademecum for broken hearts

Since me and a girl splitted up the last days i thought that maybe it would be nice to share my personal experiences with others. Who knows, maybe it helps everybody who gets thru a split up...

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Vademecum for broken Hearts ver 0.5 :
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If you split up with a person, dont forget to do the following :

#1 Take a shower. A LONG shower. This helps to get the smell and the flavour of the other person off of you. Not a bath, but a shower, it works better.

#2 Get rid of everything that reminds you of that person, aka books, photos, gifts..dont throw them away, just put them somewhere you dont see them every 2 secs, this works, and besides its funny to laugh at them in a few years...

#3 Get back to your activities. Beware, its not a fall-back but a get-back, this means that you dont have to see things like "back to my f*cking boring life again"...its not the same as before, remember that you had a relation with another person in the meantime and that you growed up alot. You just earned another piece to your puzzle, your life goes on.

#4 Get out. See your friends. Get to parties. Use the money you have been working for something usefull. Get some (not brown) sugar into your life.
Remember that there are still people that enjoy staying with you.

#5 Dont do mad things like "im going to *place what you are thinking to do here*"

#6 Carefully select the music you will listen to. Dont get into depressive soul-eating sounds. Keep ahold of you.

#7 You have to find the courage to leave the person on your side too. Its not only a "he/she left me and its over", but more a "she/he left me and so i left her/him too". Its the hardest step to do, but it has to be done. Courage is the key!

#8 Dont forget to find another person

Any suggestion to complete this is wellcomed

 

Yeah, add on to #6... don't even listen to happy music post-breakup if that is your favourite music. Anytime you'll listen to your favourite songs, you'll have the added association of a breakup.

I can't listen to some of my Chris Huelsbeck, The Who, and other CDs because I got them in the summer that I had my first girlfriend break my heart.

 

I cannot stress this enough: Don't do drugs.

My only other advice is to hang out with friends. They should help you get your mind off of things (unless they're the other person's friends, too).

 

Lose yourself in RPGs and the impossible ideals of bishoujou games!

 

Couldn't bishoujo/visual novel games be a sort of double-edged sword, though? On one hand you'd have the "Yay, I'm living vicariously through my protagonist's relationship!" and you'd also have the "WTF, I'm playing a game about someone who's NOT ME getting a date!"

 

Devil May Cry and Metal Gear Solid 2 are quite therapeutic in this respect, the second one only if your ex's name does not in any way resemble Raiden's boring one.

Grandia got me out of a horrible bout of depression back in the day - so I'm sure it'll do for breakups and such. Not sure if Grandia 2 could help that way, though.

I will have to stress the "don't do drugs" thing. I was under psychiatric treatment when my ex left me for a rich thirty-something, and I foolishly abused clonazepam and vodka (while under Prozac treatment). Not a happy combination.

I had combined Clonazepam and Vodka before, during the first break-up. I had bought her a necklace that I would have given her at the end of that week. I didn't have the heart to touch it to put it away from my desk, but I couldn't bear looking at it either. Bad times indeed.

The best treatment, though it's hard to get to that point is to know, for sure, that things eventually get better. They did for me, and they do for everyone. Time has to pass, and many good things, good friends, good games, and good times help make it as painless as possible.

 

Damn, Now I sit here again with all those inner most feelings I can´t put it into place.Since I know I did the right thing by pushing stop and full reverse with the lovely Australian woman.Since Xerdo, you don´t know this before now, I had a love swingback with her some weeks ago. But then I had to push stop, and full reverse, since I was so close getting emotionally insane. Damn I hate thinking I made a mistake. But I have to say to myself, that if I did not stop it. I would have been a rambling lunatic.

 

Playing RPGs, or watching porn, or going to a strip club might help in not thinking about that other person, but it doesn't help you from having a better relationship with someone else later on.

First of all, take a break from looking for another woman (or man), because regardless of what you think, it usually turns into a "rebound" relationship with that other person.

Take what you liked about that previous relationship and what you didn't like (could range form things you tolerated, but couldn't fully accept that person's habit, to things that probably broke the relationship) and say to yourself that you can have more than what you had. And I mean you can have more than what you liked and to avoid the things you didn't like.

Courage is the key, just like what kammedo said. Not just when you break up, but when you're in a relationship already. It takes work and commitment to have a meaningful one, but it takes courage to do that. If you don't think so, then you will constantly see yourself either being dumped, or breaking up with someone every time you get into a relationship.

This does not mean to stay lonely after a break up. Hang out with your buds and just enjoy yourself until you feel comfortable to get back in there knowing more about what you want and what you can give.

Everyone knows that they learn, change, and grow from getting out of a relationship so that particular type of relationship doesn't happen again, but you also have to learn, change, and grow when you are in a relationship. If you don't want that, then you won't get very far in one.

That's my take on this, and this is coming from someone who is all about . Well, not entirely.

Curious question, has anyone here dated an older woman? I'm not talking about that type of old.

 

Madhatter: yes I have (oh well only on the internet). But still I can´t see anything bad about dating a wonderfull lovely mature woman, who is 30+ years

 

that doesnt count wolverine!

 

The internet does not count, Wolverine. Sorry.

I was just asking something might happen come Christmas... I'm not saying that I'm working on having something happen, but it just might. But enough of that....

 

Hehehe. Typical response.

If that's the case then, you must have a bad liver and coarse voice from all the screaming

 

Hey I was just saying that any girl in comparision to Matsuri from hanihani looks less than perfect! Helps you to see their flaws. My real advice, is RPGs, very useful for occupying your mind and drinking with good friends and celebrating your masculinity, I would replace the hendrix with some Zepplin. If a relationship leaves you feeling bad, the last thing you want to do is think about seriously dating anyone else. Hence bad behaviour in the short term leads to you being ready in the long.

madhatter - BTW I dated a woman 8 years older than me in Japan - I look a lot older than I really am you see. It was nice, we actually went on proper old-school dates to restaurants! She was soooo looking for a gaijin boyfriend though, so it was not very serious.

 

The rabbit did that too much - running is the way of the rabbit! - but not anymore. It may sound stupid, but there's a Guano Apes song which is way better : Open your 3y3s!

 

So you're over #7 already ;P that's good ^^

 

Katamari Damacy is a good game to play, too. It always manages to bring a smile to my face.

I'm not so sure about drinking. I always had the habit of downing a few Ambien after something bad happened. After I started to see my monitor dance in computer class, I figured it was time I stopped.

 

Yeah, old relationships have a way of depressing me after the fact. Like I just found the Myspace page of the last girl I had a fling with, the one who moved with another guy. Just seeing her face again kind of reawakened the heartbreak. But it's been some time, and it's less of a slitting my wrists thing and more of a "Damn, that sucks" kind of feeling.

Let me ask you guys a question, why is it always the stupid assholes who have no problem holding onto a girl? The natural response to that is "Well, if she wants to stay with that stupid dumbfuck/abusive asshole/complete fucking moron then she was problably screwed up too and I'm better off." But a part of me thinks that's bullshit, and thinks the real reason I can't hang onto a woman with a brain is becasue I like, respect her and everything, and maybe if I was an over reactive dickhead who started all kinds of drama and shit, maybe if I was one of those guys who would go out and beat the crap out of somebody and call it "love," or the kind of guy who got all jealous and stuff, flew into rages, did stupid crap like burn her pictures, stalk her, talk shit to all her friends, call her demeaning names, use her for sex and nothing else, fuck around on her behind her back, etc, maybe if I was one of those guys I'd be dripping with pussy all over the place.

Well am I wrong? No, I don't think so. The fucking assholes who treat women like shit are the ones who always have them, the guys who treat them nice never get laid.

For the record I've never cheated on a girl, never hit one, never lied about where I was or what I was doing so I could hang out with my friends, never fucked one of her friends behind her back, never called a woman a bitch to her face (not one I was dating anyway,) never told a girl friend to fuck off or treated her or what she was doing like it wasn't important, never not answered the phone when she called, or got mad when she wanted to talk about our stupid relationship at three in the morning, never taken advantage of a woman in any way sexually at all in the slightest, and that includes using her when I felt like it and she didn't or getting a girl drunk/stoned just so I could have sex with her, never even (intentionally) looked at another woman when I'm with someone else, all that crap that "guys" do, all the shit that demoralizes and dehumanizes women, I don't do any of that crap.

But it's the guys who do that not only have sex on a regular basis, but manage to have fruitfull and long term relationships. What the fuck am I doing wrong here? What, I don't make enough fucking money? Do I smell wrong? Is there some kind of fucking pheromone I radiate that says "I'm a guy who will love and respect you no matter what, so you can fool with me for a while but don't get serious with me."

My last "serious" girlfriend put my ass through hell, I could tell stories but I won't (becasue I don't talk shit about past relationships, see above.) But even through all her crap I still stuck with her ass, many situations where other people told me to just leave, I stuck with it. And the thanks you get for such loyalty is total fucking abandonment.

It fucking bullshit. All I want is to find a beautiful, intelligent woman who I can pamper and worship for the rest of my life. But instead I get crazy bitches with self esteem problems or little girls who can't make up their minds about what they want. Is that too fucking much to ask?

 

I dated women like you have stated there, hawanja.
The type of relationship you and I want will take a while to find, seriously, but its worth it once you find it. Look in different places, but keep in mind that Los Angeles is the capital of women who like men that cheat on them, stuff like that, so try looking else where.

I'm realistic and sarcast just like you are. I'm not being overly optimistic here.