Why I've removed youtube videos, been less active, not collecting etc

All staff know the reasoning behind this so it's nothing new to them. Some members here know as they've spoken to be directly but I thought I'd mention it now as I've had some time.

There's no nice way to put this at all, but I've had 2 deaths in my immediate family which have hit me quite hard - mainly ones who I'd always go to if I has questions or really anything. My grandfather passed away from a sudden stroke a month before my father lost his battle with cancer.

Just lately my life was paused for 2 years since my father's battle started, if you've seen any movies where people lose their children and their house is a mess, they don't get out of bed, have a shit load of sleeping pills, always looking so tired and cracking the shits at everyone else. That's similar to what it was like for the family for 2 years. It's tough, and nobody will know what it's like unless they're in that position... You hear about it, see it but experiencing it is the most difficult part to describe. I've been to 3 funerals in the past 2 years, all of which seem very close together.

It's been difficult working things out on my own, and having to ask people who I wouldn't normally ask then not getting the type of help you would from family.

So with all that, it's the reason for my inactivity, my youtube videos being removed, Twitter being changed etc etc.
To elaborate with YouTube, I was still having messages sent to me and people asking in depth questions about Xbox stuff. Since I've sold at least 85% of my hardware collection, I just couldn't keep replying with the same answer with everything else going on.
I don't plan on ever making videos again, my hobbies have changed and some of my most rarest Xbox stuff are with other members here now.

I've thanked those individually for being there listening to me whenever I needed to talk, and they know who they are. Hopefully that clears some judgment some of you may have had with me lately as I've very likely had an attitude change. Just to be assured it's not personal.

Thanks for reading this whoever does.

 

I've got close family battling with cancer as well, only through the first year so far. It's perfectly understandable how one's personal interests and hobbies could take a nose dive during such times. Best of luck in sorting things out and getting back to any level of normalcy. I'll have to face that obstacle soon myself.

 

I was hoping not to hear such stories from anyone here but sadly cancer affects so many, and it's something that should never be ignored or not discussed.
I'm deeply sorry to hear that though, it's an extremely tough time to go through. During the first year for me wasn't so bad we were getting good news mostly, but the brain cancer was aggressive for my father so hopefully not a likely scenario for your family member.

Don't hesitate to throw me a PM if you're really needing some anonymous support, or even to vent. I know exactly how tough the process is. It's a conversation that can only be understood from someone who's previously experienced. As the usual responses you'll get from others is generic, I know that sounds quite bitter but it's true.

The saddest part is for me, my new hobby was my father's hobby. I'm doing things I just want to discuss with him and I can't.
Anyhow, thanks for the supportive words - things are slowly falling back together, keeping busy is honestly the best thing. Just not having work has a lot of down time, if I'm not working on my car I think too much.

 

sorry for your loss

 

So sorry Hex. That's rough.

 

I am sorry for your Loss fella and I for one will miss your videos maybe one day you will revisit it and think of all the happy times, Good luck in whatever you do

 

Sorry hex for your loss, Hang in there. I can relate. My father was diagnosed with brain cancer this past September and passed away December 29th. I hate fucking cancer.

 

Cancer tried to take my mom and successfully did so with my grandma. I too hate CA.

 

Thanks. I'm sorry to hear that and for your loss. That's close to when my father past away... I really wish governments would forward more money for research, it's a very serious issue.

 

I am very sorry to hear this, and for your losses Hex. Although I have not experienced it first hand, I do know the struggle, this week's going to be 7 years since my wife's (K-Panggg) dad passed away from cancer, but as you say, one will never understand until living through it. It's also during that struggle that you get to really know your family and friends... as many turn around and walk away, while others stick firmly under all circumstances.

All the best, and I hope you can get back on track with life soon, feel free to PM should you need anything.

 

I'm here for you, man. Life can be quite tough but know you have support. Kudos for staying strong and not giving up.

 

Hex, you know you can always count with us. Never forget you have friends here.

And yes, i do understand your decision of closing the YT channel and moving forward.

 

Sorry to hear, Hex. I know too many who are dealing with cancer right now.. Hell, even my friends little 5 year old girl has a cancerous growth behind her eye. Seriously, fuck Cancer.

 

I lost my grandfather to cancer around the same time my partner lost her mother to the same horrible disease, plus I saw a good friend suffer then eventually die from a rather aggressive brain tumour around this period. Unfortunately, a combination of personal issues meant I wasn't able to help others facing the aftermath of these events in the way I could have now, being a much stronger character from surviving my own trials. As someone who has dedicated the last ten years to offering my services for various charities, it upsets me with every passing day there is no progress in finding a prevention, which is supposedly cheaper than any cure. I'm sure one will be found eventually, but that's no consolation for those already paying the price. My heart goes out to you right now, and nobody should ever have to apologise for heading in a new direction with their life - I've recently done a lot of reconsideration when it comes to my hobbies (and lifestyle in general) as well, so you're definitely not alone. Whatever the world throws your way next, I can only hope the worst is over... Make those looking down on you proud somehow!

 

Thanks for that man, it's true during the 2 years of the battle people took my distance personally and just didn't bother with me. Now I felt like many people we know in person have given the family a day of sympathy and expecting to bounce back. Grieving takes a while and for me it still doesn't feel real at all.

I know man, you've certainly been a great help and support. Sure I've mentioned that to you and thanked you. I really appreciate all time you have to discuss.

Having my ups and downs as I believe that'd be expected but am slowly getting my momentum back.

Of course, I'm very thankful to have a pretty sympathetic community here. I've not always been on the best behaviour sometimes, though people's input right now means a lot to me.

The YT channel really lies down to the lack of money for both hobbies to be funded, I'm not one to ask for donations and expect 'fans' to fund my hobby. It just doesn't feel right to me.

That's the most painful to see, children who have battles so early on it's quite heartbreaking.
For any event to raise awareness I will be contributing - personally I don't see money being a 'major' factor of research. Cancer is bound to happen within a family, it's something you think would never happen. My father was healthy, always ate well, never smoked, barely drank. It took him. It's a serious illness which needs to be top priority on curing.

Sorry to hear that Anthaemia, it's a difficult process to watch as your hands are tied. You take every little bit of 'advice' doctors give you, sadly the merry-go-round of chemo was knocking my dad around so badly. It ruined basic things like tasting food, and standing. It really was the struggle that hurt me the most, as he'd always be working, maintaining his classic car and the house. Now all those things he would always do are now on my to-do list daily, which I have no clue. I was someone who'd stay in his room and play games, I really didn't do anything physical or outside.
So the new hobby involves me using tools I've never picked up before, I just wish my father was around to instruct me and to show him what I complete.
I'm thankful you completely understand where I'm standing right now, it's very scary. Hopefully I'll hear great news about the process of cancer research but it's a constant wish.

 

Mostly have packed it away and let friends borrow the systems, just most systems I barely used I've sold off. As much as it sounds like "I'm done" with gaming is really not the case. Just not buying into it like I used to.

 

I think that's true for most of us Hex. I haven't made a YouTube vid in several years despite frequent request still. I had two deaths within a few months of each other and then one hellacious divorce I'm still not fully recovered from almost 2 years later.

One thing I can say is when the chips are down, and all looks like it's lost, stick with what you know whether it's a sport, gaming, cooking, collecting, getting high (safely) or doing whatever you call your "thang", eventually things will get better and you may or may not ever come back as the same old Hex. Maybe not new and improved. Maybe not worse. Maybe just different. Maybe, and hopefully, wiser about life.

At least that how the last three years for me has been.

 

That's horrible news, no matter how far apart deaths are they all affect you in some way. What's odd for me is, I don't feel too out of touch with myself, I just don't feel myself really if that makes sense. I've gained a shit load of confidence ever since all this has happened, but still no matter how hard I worked on my YT channel I don't see any rewards in it for myself, it was something to keep me busy with. Did you feel the same? Having said that, I am here for support too, throw me a message whenever you like.. Lots of free time at the moment.

Safe to say I'm not going anywhere, and I won't ditch the community here or anything of that nature. I come up in conversations, and get messages often enough for it to be a thread. As much as I enjoy helping people and learning from others, motivation to do so now has faded completely.
The car I bought shortly before my father passed away is what's keeping me busy, slowly ordering parts and working on it. I have absolutely 0 clue what I'm doing but learning quite a few things as I go. It's what's getting me by at the moment I think.

 

I lost my uncle to cancer when I was a kid. My uncle was such a good person and it hard to see him go at such a young age. I'm sorry for your loss and everyone on Assemblergames is here for you including myself.