Question about first dates and the process, please.

Okay, well it goes like this (try and picture this yourself).

I go to a bar for my friend's 20th birthday, I only knew 4 people there and a lot of friendly women and I mean friendly! Anyhow I have never met them before and this was my first time at a bar so the whole atmosphere was new to me. So many people were talking in their own groups and I was only speaking to my best buddy as not many people were speaking to us, guess we were the only 2 gamers in the whole bar but what ever.
So after an hour goes by a lady says hi to me and I responded, she never said anything after she left straight after to another girl which she knew so I didn't push in or anything. Another hour goes by and another lady grabs my attention and starts chatting to me. We started to get along with the remainder of the night which was very nice as I was sensing her friendly gestures towards me, (liking my jokes, and just overall lightly hearted stuff, if that makes sense). So as I was about to leave I shook all my mates hands and she stood up for a hug ^_^.
I'm quite interested in this lady, she was easy for me to speak to and she seemed to understand my humor

Now here comes my questions;
How would I go about getting to know her more? I have added her on facebook, and we've had a few laughs on there. I don't want to sound pushy or anything.
Would mentioning going to a near by cafe or movies etc be alright? Help me on this.

How could I show I'm interested without pointing it out or go about mentioning it in the future? I've tried to do this in the past with a few other ladies but I've always seemed to make a mistake some where, and they never speak to me afterwards. All I did was mention I liked them, :S.

If the time comes, how would I bring up a first date? - Never been on one, wouldn't know how they work (now I really feel stupid):moody:

You maybe thinking "You're stupid" well I guess I am in this field and trust me I've tried asking people I know about this matter but they never ever support me with it, so now I'm asking smarter people here or people who have had many relationships and can point me in the right direction. I've never had a success story with a lady so I'm really asking for some hints here. :dejection:
I seem to be okay in the friend making part, but I really don't want this to sound straight out "I want to date her" if that makes sense.

So thanks for reading this stuff, and I hope someone can help me. I look up to many users on here, so mention what you know! :smile-new:

 

Here comes my advice,

just walk up to her and start a conversation. If you listened to what she was talking with you before it should be easy to catch up from there.

Women always like if we listen to what they say, make her feel that she is important to you but not to much because women also tend to ignore us when they know we like them.

I always started conversations the old and easy way, just ask her if she is going to have a drink with you at the bar, separate her from the other girls and have a nice chat with her, listen, reply and it should work.

If she gives you her cell no. make sure to text her the next day, lets say 10am and let her know that you really enjoyed yesterday and that you want to see her again.

this worked all the time for me.

 

On a first date be sweet, don't rush for sex for kissing unless you know she's DTF. I just held her hand and kissed her on the cheek goodnight and that went over real well. Maybe different with different girls.

 

Key word from G0dLiKe there LISTEN !

Chat her up find out her likes and dislikes etc... more importantly remember them !

Take your time and read what she wants from you, also make sure she's on the same wavelength as you are.

 

Thanks guys, I'm a good listener, I'm interested in her and who she is than anything. So casual conversation works best for this situation or??

 

Yup, for now

 

Just be cool.

Also, if you ask her to hang out, make sure you understand the Brad Pitt rule.

Also, this is just a personal preference, but I don't really like to meet girls at bars, but if it was for a friend's birthday and she was part of the party, she's probably cool.

 

Yep, she was from a party, she seems pretty genuine and she's kinda quiet type I guess. I gotta get to know her more or so.

Sorry I'm living under rock, what's this "brad pitt" rule you speak of? ><

 

http://artofmanliness.com/2008/02/05/the-brad-pitt-rule/

 

Will remember that rule!

 

Invite her out but don't say its a date, as soon as you mention DATE, both you and her have things in your head and it gets more serious, just invite her out for a drink, food etc. but make it in the day time (most DATES are at night), make sure you pay and just talk about the general stuff to get to know her more, you should be able to tell from her general demeanour how its going and if it goes well you can always ask her out again, don't go into how much you like her etc. as its a first date not a marriage proposal lol just be yourself

 

the rule is pretty accurate. the only exception to the rule would probably be someone you've been friends with for years and you know have a legitimate reason for not hanging out. but as far as new girls or someone you just met, it's dang near 100% accurate.

 

I had that fear, I really don't want to make the date impression too soon you're right, it screws things up.
I'm thinking of just a casual lunch at a local cafe, nothing too special. I also gotta be careful how I ask about the day as well.. ><
What would be a good example?

 

Some random bits from my personal experience (from my own dates & from what friends told me) that either helped or blocked me. Knowing both can be useful:

- Confidence!! Be confident about everything you say!
- Ask her out and if she asks if it's a 'date', say yeah (see above)
- The first date is an interview. Don't boast, but don't be humble.
- Make sure your speaking time is well-balanced.
-> guys who can uphold a conversation are more likely to be liked. Don't be too quiet or shy
- SMILE a LOT hahah!
- Plan the thing: Do research if the cafe you're taking her to is nice, if the park is good, if the area of town is beautiful. But of course never ever make it seem like it's been planned beforehand..
- Make compliments, but not too many or too direct ones ("You're beautiful"... wtf, what kind of a douche are ya?)
-> try to say something charming, but that demands clarification, i.e. say "your xxx looks kinda funny", she'll want to know why )
- The 1st date is simple - just simple coffee during the day or early evening, no dinner or anything. And NOT a movie.
- Choose the location carefully. Not too classy (makes her feel uncomfortable), not McDonalds (lol).
- Video games are cool, it's alright to say that you're really into them, just don't talk longer than 1 minute about that stuff if she's not a gamer
- Pay only for the first and maybe second movie date. If she ain't a worthless money vampire, she'll offer to pay for you the next time you meet and from then on just split the bills
- Never ever be stingy
- REMEMBER WHAT SHE TELLS YOU AS IF IT'S A UNIVERSITY LECTURE
-> even though it might be total bullshit

If she really likes you, these little things aren't important anyway (hence the vast amount of douchebags with girlfriends), but it sure can't harm anyone to be a gentleman:
- open doors for her even if it makes you feel unnatural
- ask her if she wants something to drink/eat in the cinema. In 99% of cases she won't anyway, she knows that it's way too expensive, but you asked and that's what counts


Towards the end of 1st date.

Good date:
- (if you haven't already talked about it) make plans for a second date
- Tell her that you had fun and make a compliment if it suits the situation
- A goodbye hug is enough, I'd definitely avoid kissing

Bad date:
- Don't pay for her
- Tell her you'll you'll really busy over the following days/weeks
- Expect her to say the same ^^
- Move on, never talk to her again

Last but not least, just ask her out casually! She'll know what you mean even though you don't mention the word 'date', you just asked to meet her and you guys don't know each other - what else would it be! So take the 'Hey, I had fun yesterday so I thought maybe you'd like to meet someplace and have coffee sometime, how about next saturday?" approach and things should be fine!

Also since I read you have her on facebook, two rules that I found are quite important:
- Don't respond immediately
- Your messages should never be noticably longer than hers

And keep the Brad Pitt approach in mind, it's fairly accurate.

Anyway, good luck and happy dating!

Sorry to pick on you a bit but am I the only one who finds this badass guytalk statement hilarious considering you're only 15? XD
When I was 15 I didn't think about sex at all, I was happy if a girl returned a smile.

 

So you are not from England then... 16 is legal for sex, thoughts/actions start to happen before then.

 

Stuff is legal in Germany at the age of 14. I just found it funny because it sounded so hard-nosed...

 

Lost virginity at 14, can't say I have ever looked back.

 

Woah! Thanks for the time to type all that ave! That will help me a lot. I'll surely study all that ^_^
The only way though for me to get a time to meet her would be to message her through facebook message. Your example seems to be right on the money so I'll try that and see how it goes.
I already did a few things you mentioned without even noticing, I mentioned I liked her a piece of her jewellery, lol.

My friend told me she's not really into gaming (that he's aware of) and she doesn't seem the type who would. However she seemed to understand my jokes at the bar so I guess she likes my humor?

Anyhow, tomorrow is the night I'll organize all of it. Hopefully I don't over-think this ><". I saw her last Saturday, so when would be the right time to ask for the date?
Again, thanks for the tips man!!

@DaE -I thought you explodededed, haven't seen you around the forums for a bit.

 

humour is very good and if she likes your jokes etc. that will make it go alot smoother however make sure you don't over do it

 

Yes! That's true, I'll have to watch/listen to myself to make sure it doesn't happen.