10yr Relationship has ended.. need tips!

She already has said "OK BYE" to him with her actions. As with all forms of personal change, the only possible way to salvage this relationship is if both parties truly and honestly want it. And seeing as this girl has already demonstrated that when the chips are down she considers him a non-entity, I find that exceedingly unlikely.

 

I think a lot of the things people have been saying are a little iffy, depending on how attached wan5 is to her.

I've been in love/trailing/being stupid with a girl for about 5-6 years. One-way street. Maybe it's a stupid case, maybe I'm just plain stupid. Even after getting the shit beaten out of me, verbally, by her... I don't feel like there's any other choice for me than to continue my feelings. It feels like its going to be a rough future.

Basically, what I'm getting as is that you can't always just go find someone else because of yourself.


I highly recommend an intimate (as in, alone) conversation, a true discussion where two people are cordially being adults and figuring out the situation. Beyond that, I highly HIGHLY recommend NO text-based communication, or even phone calls except to make plans, and don't get too drunk either. I know I've fucked up doing both, you get weird ideas in your head that seem logical at the time, and silly hours later. Plus it's not very personal and even if you say things you mean, it's hard for someone to take you seriously if they're just reading your words.

 

IF you want to go all romantic about women then that is a choice YOU have to make. On the other hand, there's human common sense dictating survival and looking after one-self. To remotely think that amidst so many billion people you ve landed on the one that's the BEST fit for your shoe is childish and defies basic statistical rules

 

This is very very true, Barc0de, but one cannot deny a connection or attraction if it exists.

 

But if you move beyond the basic statistical rules, you also have to factor in the mean expected time to find someone who'd be a better fit, cross-referenced with your own decreasing desirability with age ;-) So I could certainly imagine a situation where not attempting to "trade up" would be the optimal choice.
As previously mentioned, this isn't one of them though.

 

I am trying to imagine the woman you marry mate, she'll not stand for your logical analysis and I'll print this off as part of the wedding speech! :lol:

 

If it gets that bad , pick a man :lol:

 

Hopefully you'll find someone on the rebound. It's better than getting into drugs and alcohol. I can't even imagine how difficult this is on you.

 

You know I used to do things like this, that is follow women around who were just not interested, but not anymore.

Seriously, if she doesn't like you, and you're not content on just being platonic friends, you're just wasting your time. One day she'll either move or get married, and all the time and effort you put in amounts to nothing. What are you hoping for, that one day she'll just wake up and realize she loves you? Good luck with that.

Maybe I'm just old now, but I don't have time for girls givin' me grief, if she's not interested then fuck it, move on, her loss.

 

Well, my situation is a bit more complicated than that...

but that's beside the point.

OP should update us on his progress!

 

I read this somewhere else, but it seems to work.

"Just do what i do... peanut-butter your nipples... roll around in monopoly money... works every time."

 

The randomness of human behaviour gives me shivers in the context of marriage :lol:

 

Man, this makes me think how cool it would be if someone were to become a human bird feeder by covering themself (or simply nipples) with seed.

 

gives a new meaning to the word cock doesn't it?

 

Well, how exactly? I mean, the girl doesn't like you, right? Well how long are you going to wait around for her? A year? Ten years?

While you're waiting in some vain attempt to get this unattainable girl, all around you are millions upon millions of other beautiful women who won't put you through this bullshit.

But anyway, we do strange things for "love," so I understand.

 

Can't be arsed to read all the comments but...cut (the ties, not yourself) and get on with it.

I've been through a few relationships over the last few years, one time I asked on here for help, the general advice was just forget about it and move on and at the time I had reservations about being so blunt and ignorant but it really does work, done it again since and I've never looked back pardon the pun.

 

If that were the case then, it wouldn't be "complicated", would it? I'll just leave it at that.

 

Agreed, shit happens, move on!!! Best advice I was ever given.

Relationships break for a reason, accept it what ever it is, move on.

 

Well guys after a few days soul searching i believe you guys are correct. I allowed her to come home for a few days to sort her head out about things, she was here for 3 days before the whole thing imploded.

I did end up being fired which sucked but not the worst thing in the world.

It was awkward and uncomfortable, I told her that as long as she worked in the same building i would never trust her again so she quit her job!
On the third day it was just too much to handle the atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife so i suggested she go back to the uk to be with her family again as we both evidently needed time to think.

Now ive already got a couple of different job offers and am also considering going to uni, still losing my home but the memorys here are too much anyway so again... no great shame!

I still miss her like crazy but im trying to consider these feelings as more habbit related than anything else, time to get up and move on, just like quiting smoking really!

Few more days of rough work to do like sorting out bank accounts and utilities but then the only way is up!

As for the guy stating that i shouldnt ask for this kind of advice on a gaming forum, i have found that the community here is mainly a mature bunch who may have been in a similar situation to me, thats why i asked here, people with the same interests who may also have some life experience behind them!

 

My advice: Do what ever you need to do!!!

Maybe gaming forums are not the right place to ask for advice on relationships or maybe they are!!! Who cares? We're still people after all aren't we?

Anyway, you can't blame yourself you've tried, feelings take a while to fade, but after a few months, you'll see things clearer.

Sort out the practical details, like finance, jobs, whatever it'll take your mind off her!!! Try new things, got out of more, meet new people!!!

Been there last year, got divorced, one of the best thing that happened to me lately, I reconnected with a lot of people I lost track of, got a better position in my company, met new people... only positives so far!!!

Still single but hey first time in a long time I get to do whatever I want!!!

Chicks = trouble