Japanese wife.

Quoted for truth. many don't understand the concept of true love or even the concept of being truly poor.

 

One could argue that true love is something many married couples lack in general. Not saying the Japanese aren't different, it's a different culture with different values and standards. But stating that "the Japanese don't value love as opposed to us Westeners" (basically) doesn't seem very sophisticated to me.

 

It doesn't seem sophisticated. But it may be the truth from what it sounds like.

Marriage and love are supposed to be about partnership, companionship and equality with one another.(At least in my view)

Not "I use you for your money, look down on you like a dog, and use your career as a way to have competition between my friends. And you get Sex, children and fallacy in return."

 

I have no secrets:

1: Hard b/c it's so gradual. In my situation, I was much more social than my wife was, and it was apparent before we were married. (Shame on me). It just got worse with age, and culminated in her basically being a recluse, and my friends not welcome in the house I paid for.

4: For a while, I just did my thing and she didn't ask. It worked for a while, but eventually I wanted more, and calling it quits was the only answer.

5: My in-laws think I hung the moon. I gave them their only grandchild. I've met 1 post-separation (I think the other doensn't know) and I'm on good terms w/ my future ex siblings in-law as well. They aren't going to diss their familiy member, but I'm pretty sure they know what the score is and hold no ill-will towards me.

6a/b: Hard one. I got hit REALLY hard by the economic fist fuck of 2008. I get paid in dollars as most know. I changed my lifestyle for the better. Her for the worse. Do you know how it feels to swim upstream with sandbags around your feet? I certainly do. Everytime I had a small financial win, she'd totally negate it with some bullshit... up to 10-fold. That was one of the many large issues that made me realize we'd never work. We still have economic head butting living in separate quarters. It's way better, but it it's still hard.

 

Looks like I found the right one by coincidence then.

After developing a relationship with my then japanese GF in Japan, I had to go back to Germany because of my university. I was still a student back then while she was already working.
I already knew her family after 1 month of dating and frequently visited them. Before leaving for Germany we had an engagement ceremony with her family and my parents in Kyoto.

After 8 months in 2007 she then quit her job and followed me Germany. Mind you I was still a university student and studied until 2011!

We then married in 2008 and are still living in Germany. In the first 10-12 months we basically lived with her savings from the last 5-6 years. Just recently (2012) I got a job and starting earning more than she does now in Germany.


She supports me in every way so far and I can't really complain about our marriage.

 

Yamazaki, sounds like you found one in a million right there.

 

Even before marriage it seems that way. It makes me think some get married within a week of dating each other. It's something I'll never understand.
Women have never liked me so far, and I'm always polite to them... Oh well forever alone.

 

I owe you many drinks when you get back.

I had a Japanese GF very similar to GP's wife case on almost all points and luckily, I was able to get out of it but it made me realize just how far away from an ideal relationship should be.

 

I've had English GF very similar too, it's not a cultural thing. Maybe the difference is that everyone expected Japanese women to be respectful because that was the stereotype?

I heard similar things about eastern European women and quite frankly they are all the same. Like all women, if you're a certain type then they will love you & if you are not then they will use you or ignore you. Often their behaviour doesn't fit in with their own view of themselves, so they think they are treating you better than they actually are.

Straight men might be the same, but you'll need to find a sane woman who tells the truth to get that perspective.

 

The single life is much, MUCH better than the married life anyway. I used to think that I could never find happiness in life without getting married. Heh... now, I can't imagine anything ever happening that would make me think that ever again. It wasn't until my wife divorced me against my will and began the steps that would make the rest of my life a continual living nightmare that my eyes were opened to how awesome the single life truly is, but now they definitely are opened to such.

My advice to anyone seeking a wife: if at any time during the premarital relationship, you become aware of the fact that your woman has the ability to be scheming, get out immediately. Listen to reason, not to any dumb emotions. It doesn't matter how insignificant the matters are, in which you see her scheming. If she has the ability to scheme in the little things, she WILL later scheme in much bigger things, and she will have the power to destroy you.

 

^Hardcore. I 'd like to further my self through the species, have a child and have been grooming myself, picking up my life to look presentable, licking my hand and moving my hair to the side, brushing the cigarette ash off my lapel, but I am taking it very in a very careful , experienced used car buyer sort of way. I used to crash into women and if I was attracted and vice versa, then I would find a bedroom and attach the heart firmly on my sleeve. Now, it's an investment choice.

Back to the thread subject: I have a massive collection of movies and also enjoy Japanese Cinema. New wave and the classics. I have noticed a trend inside Japanese movie plots where if the Husband gets disabled, maimed, unemployed, the wife will run off with the kids. It's shocking. I always mused over these scenes. It's as if the man is secondary to the welfare of the child and the mother will split if she senses disruption in the feeding trough. Also, in the classics, men running away from their families to start new families or if one or the other marriage partner dies, then the remaining partner runs off to start a new family and the child is dumped on relatives or ends up in an orphanage. Also tales of children being cast out on the street because the family has deemed itself too poor or worse, families killing themselves together due to poverty. Surely this is harking on a darker more poverty induced past, these films, but the cultural imprint wouldn't necessarily change due to economic comfort. Under the facade of middle class restraints, I am sure these classic tendencies are smoldering underneath.

Regarding Japanese and Love, I think that love was a major theme after the Second World War in flim. Many of the classic directors sought out framing the western style family union and romance. There was an attempt to promote this all smiles dialogue tool as a means to restore fractured society. Ozu and Kurosawa both tried to project a middle class America idealization into the Japanese mindset.

 

Interesting. Yes, perhaps Love is a post war concept that has been met half way. Historically, arranged marriages were indeed used to strengthen family clans and use as collateral. The same in the West hundreds of years ago. Essentially, the age of feudalism. So, with large Zaibatsu still controlling the economic landscape and the rigid dynamics of a still somewhat feudal mindset, Japan is still evolving towards the supposed enlightenment age of love and sacrifice. If one wants a Japanese partner, find a western neophyte or someone who is an artist. Perhaps even someone deeply religious. Also the age of materialism and self narration likely plays a hampering role on the finer aspects of relationship. Here in the west, we too are being isolated and increasingly judged as objects of potential value versus the traits of simple appeal. I find myself taking stock of my worth and seeing what can be highlighted and used as a currency towards finding someone that matches my wits but most likely is light years above my pay grade. Perhaps this societal sickness isn't regional but born under the age of distraction. Thomas Jefferson stated that if you take away a person's time, you take away their culture. If you have little to no culture, you won't be able to express your life force properly and find yourself trapped in limitations imposed by a society which is increasingly frenetic and fast paced. Losing oneself, feeling trapped,may be something projected onto a partner, if one isn't aware of the collective effect of all of this. Those closest to us can easily become scapegoats as a means to control the ever increasing confusion that comes from modern society. We do live in an age where people are becoming Philosophically blank, losing one's rudder through this ever increasing rate of speed that society seems to be spinning. A million distractions to drive us mad.

Edit: Dating and relationship is an extremely tough and complex task if it's to survive. Take two people from two drastically different cultures and backgrounds, language and put them together in a relationship and the success rate plummets. My last relationship was with a Spanish woman from Barcelona. She was getting her PHD and the missed communication created traps that bubbled up months later, climaxing into issues that suddenly had to be resolved. It was maddening. Ultimately I broke it off because the fall out from miscommunication and the fighting that resulted. It's tough.

 

@assembler: She is from Kyoto

 

My Japanese teacher (from Kyoto) said that girls from Tokyo have the reputation to be particularly unromantic and greedy. lol

 

And I'll take 'em!

I will totally give you that. Japanese women run the culture here, so as they get older, their maternal genes tell them they are the boss. They generally redefine stubborn.

I would say most major metropolitan areas (not just Japan) tend to have more superficial people.

 

Exactly right.

 

And easy, you can't forget the most important part lol
Girls in Osaka are the hardest to get into bed.