A very very sad day

Taucias, that is the good thing with solicitors who are experienced in resolution. They do not immediately say "get divorced", they advise on marriage guidance and will put you in-touch with organisations in the UK like RELATE.

http://www.relate.org.uk/familylife/

Only when the couple involved are beyond this stage will the solicitors actually start divorce proceedings, however they can & will take the initial conversations very much into account.

Given the information VA has provided it does look like some form of resolution / mediation or guidance might actually prove benefitial, but possibly in making the divorce less of a battle and more of an amicable series of arrangements.

I think like everyone else here, I have my fingers crossed for you both and especially your children.

Thanks for the compliment, however I'm certain that the best advice you could possibly get is from an independent family law solicitor rather than a lay person like me.

 

I have a shit load of stuff to read that I printed out form the links given Parris :thumbsup:

I also found a RELATE office not far from where we live so I am going to try and go to see them myself to see what`s what and then see if I can get her to go as well

Continued thanks to all here for their words of support and wisdom :clap:

Watch this space for the next installment....which will be when I meet some of "our" freinds that she has already told

 

I'm really sorry to hear this, VA. When my parents got divorced I had a hard time with it all....I saw how bad things got for my dad....but all I can say is what everyone else here has already said.

It's a sad thing that has happened, and we are all here hoping the best for you and your children.

 

I mean this in the best way possible: sometimes it's actually better for the kids. It would've been in my situation if my parents had ever gone through with it.

Instead I still have to catch shit from my mom every time I go over to my parent's house. I'm also basically homeless starting next month since I can't go back there.

 

I dont want to sound like "I told you so" cuz I've never talked about marriage in this forum, but I just wanted to say that I'll never get married, not without a prenup...

Dunno, is like I know I'll get divorced someday:lol:

Good luck with the fight alan.

Man that really sucks, how come none of your parents can take you in?

 

Without going into too much detail, it's not that they won't let me back in. It's that I'll become extremely depressed and possibly suicidal if I have to go back. I've already told my dad that I'll have to go see a psychiatrist and possibly be put on medication if that happens.

My alternate plan of action is getting an apartment in a city five hours away; that is until I've been accepted to the college I applied to (which happens to be even further away).

[I have no idea why I left that last part in.]

 

Not to be the asshole that points out reality, but Shadowlayer: How old are you and how many times have you been married?

@VA: The internet can be fun for some anonymous pouring of the soul, but if you're really feeling down, you should be getting help from tangible sources. mates you know in real life... pubs you can walk into, and of course, professional counceling if need be. From what I know of divorce, it will consume you with the process. As Parris has said, it's a fucked up system... some asshole tells you what you get and how often you can see your own kids. They may wind up hating you for the whole thing. Whomever gets custody can brainwash them, etc. etc. It's nasty shit. Best of luck to ya.

 

No prob, I'm 20 and I never been married thank god (cuz I've friends who had fallen into that trap).

I dont think theres a relation that can last for that long without getting cumbersome, and no my parents arent divorced so is not one of those traumas from childhood, just common sense and skepticism.

Dunno maybe becos I was never one of those guys who was desperate to get a GF, nor jumping from one relation to another.

I like being alone and honetly I find permanent (as in all the time, not really forever of course) relations annoying to say the least.

Jezz......I know thats serious enough for me not being able to do anything about it...

Dont you have a place to crash? like friends or relatives? dunno thats the only thing I can think of right now. Without a college degree and being in college I doubt you could find a job where you earn enough to live and with a time schedule that wont get into college time.

Are you on a scholarship? or you can drop out of college and return when everything is OK?

 

I wasn't trying to belittle you, only make note that any comment from someone that's not been married should be taken w/ a shaker of salt. There's no question that marriage takes work... lots of it. Convincing someone to "make it last a little longer" is a bit of a silly request, given the circumstances.

 

Taemos - Leave. Go to college far, far, far away. When you come back and you're independent, suddenly you'll get the red carpet treatment.

It's tough, but sometimes a little distance can actually improve your relationship with your parents.

Quit drinking. That will only make stuff worse.

 

I just meant that thinking about the kids, but if staying together means more fights infront of the kids then is better to just break the relation and let things go, since while a divorce isnt easy for the kids, domestic violence is much, much harder.

And I never considered myself a counselor on the subject nor anything like that...

I was just about to say that, since while I havent been married I had a relative with alcohol problems, and things only go downhill after you get hooked to it...

Just leave the bottle taemos, I know is hard and I'm no position to tell you that you shouldnt depend on alcohol since my (actual) situation is not that bad (I'm not in your position, to make it short) but honestly I'm believe that things may go worst if you ended up being addicted to alcohol.

Anyways, I agree with hawanja that moving away from home would be the best for now.

 

Alan's issue turned into a general discussion about leaving? Stay on topic folks, this is serious.

 

Yeah, not to make light of what seems a rather difficult situation for Taemos, but I would recommend posting another thread so that people feel they can reply properly.

For what it's worth I am sorry to hear about your situation mate. I also agree with one of the previous posters. Moving away and being less reliant on parents eventually builds you into an entirely different human being. Whether you care for your parents or not, sometimes it is just time in a persons life to realise that you can make it without them 24/7.

When you return you will realise you can't live at your parents house, but for your own reasons (mostly because it becomes awkward) rather than because of their reasons.

Go to college and just keep going. One other point. I know personally the effects of too much alcohol, it always feels like it is helping, yet you get to the point where you are really just drowning by small degrees.

 

I wasn't going to reply to this thread as I am quite new and don't really know anyone here yet, certainly not on an advice on divorce type level, but just want to say I hope for your sake, as well as the kids, that it goes as smooth as possible.

Eight years of working in a top 100 law firm and I saw a fair amount of divorces that went far longer than they should of simply because of the pettiness that arises from the breakdown in trust and friendship.

Beware of solicitors though, generally they are the only ones that win in a divorce.

 

i honestly don't know what to say

i just wanted to post here just to let you know that i (and the others of course) are always there for you mate

stay strong!

 

Yeah, I totally did not mean to steal the thread or anything. My situation is kind of bad but it's nothing compared to this.

 

If your wife goes after your game collection (assuming she doesn't play games) then you're better off without her. That just seems vengeful.

 

Don`t tihnk so and I keep telling her it`s worthless anyway :thumbsup:

 

I'm at a loss of word for what to say.....

..though i think you'll both find a way of working through it