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Really starting to like this girl i've known for years but there are 2 problems. One is that i have no idea if she likes me other than a friend and 2 is that she lives in Northern Ireland and i live in Scotland.

 

My e-petition got a mention on today's The Daily Politics. It is a shame I only have 108 signatures =/

 

I'm getting sexual advances from a 17 year old via text message (I'm 26) remember 16 is legal here in the UK.

Nevertheless, feels very very weird and not sure how to diffuse the situation.

 

eeeeeeeeeee.....

I'd just be blunt. "Hey, stop sexting me."

 

If you find her attractive the age gap is irrelevant. A lot of my m8s in their 20's are picking up teens and my father is 12 years older than my mother, these things happen. IMO enjoy it whilst it lasts and you never know.... you may live happily ever after with her, but probably not - but that doesn't mean you can't have your fun along the way

 

hahah, yeah, exploit the shit out of this situation.

Seriously though, consider her feelings and possible consequences. This is not to be taken lightheartedly. If you don't appreciate and respond to her sexual advances, she might feel hurt and starts her life the wrong way. You don't want that, do you? Do you? See.

My response is probably not very helpful hahaha

 

I'd like to post something here but it is too embarrassing. And not in the 1000 ways you might expect. Pretend I did.

I think I've been drinking for at least a month straight, give or take. Might be related.

 

I'm getting needy "so call me texts" already. This is uncomfortable. We work together and will be on saturday although it's her last shift which is why I think she's taken a stab at saying something.

She's cute but I just can't handle anything right now as well as the stigma.

 

twimfy there is no such thing as a good time and a) if you think she is cute and b) she is interested I don't see the problem. The natural order is such that teenage men make better sexual partners for women in their 30's as they are both in their prime and inexperienced teenage women are better off with older, more experienced men men, such is life. If your mates give you shit for it, they're probably jealous

 

If anyone found out about it, it would make my working life hell, this town is small town and gossip spreads. I would imagine I'd even get fired. There's nothing illegal about it but the narrow-mindedness of this backwards place is impossible to ignore or overcome.

I just went through a break up and something casual is fine, but I really can't hack some 17 year old declaring her undying love for me and inviting me around to her house when her parents aren't in, when I've had maybe 5 conversations with her tops.

If something doesn't feel right then why do it? I just want a nice way to tell her to do one without creating any animosity or hurting her feelings, she appears to have confidence/self-esteem issues and from what I hear, not the best upbringing.

 

One way or the other you are going to regret your decision and probably hurt her feelings. The difference is one option involves getting sex with the potential to live happily ever after, the other doesn't.

 

Well I just told her no. I'm not in the business of fucking people's lives up no matter how nice their boobs are.

 

No stigma here.

My girlfriend is 18. That is eleven and a half years younger than me.

She is the second girlfriend I've had of that age, too (Though I was 26 the first time around) If she's mature enough, and it's legal, and you truly love each other, I see no problem.
I understand the stigma, I really do.

But don't let social constructs stand in the way of your, and her, happiness.

It pisses me off to no end to see that TV and society in general glamourises "Cougars" who date dudes 20 years younger than them, yet if I date a woman 10 years younger than I, I am seen as a disgusting creep. I am not such thing, and neither are you if you choose to take a chance.

This being said, many younger girls do make advances at older guys instinctively. They, themselves, are sometimes unaware of the ramifications or consequences of what they do. I deal with this, as a young(ish) teacher, with alarming frequency.

Make sure you understand the difference between instinctive "I'm growing up and unaware of what I'm doing" play-flirting (some 15 - 18 year old girls do this often), and real relationships - or else you'll get in serious trouble. You need to be honest enough and ethical enough to dismiss this, and do so in a very relaxed manner, with no drama.

In my case, I play dumb, ignore it, and change the subject. I don't want trouble, nor do I want to go against my ethics. I have dated a former student, though, and there was no problem - as we were not scandalous and it was a serious relationship.

 

Take it slowly with her, just have nights out at first and see how it goes. Don't rush into sex with her because that's when the backwardsass-ness (say that three times fast) comes into play. In Bradford you often see 13 & 14 year olds and stuff with much older kids (18+). When all the chavs show up it looks like they're escorting her off the property lmao.

Still though take it slowly with her and see how things go. I personally wouldn't go for it in the first place purely because if she's needy (and she seems like she is because after a few conversations she's OMG I LUV YOU!!! (not mentally mature enough for a real relationship)) if you reject advances harshly (ie put her down as soon as she goes for it) she could go batshit and claim all kinds of crap.

A girl I persued for 3 years I finally gave up on (who was to be blunt, using me) I figure when she finds out I just aren't even talking to her anymore is going to kick up a stink.

 

It sounds like Twimfy made up his own mind.
Sex and tits aren't everything.

IMO, it doesn't matter so much that she is the age that she is, (that was a fun sentence, right?), and just doesn't seem like a swell plan overall.

 

I'm with alecjahn on this one. But I also must state again that age equals not maturity. I had a girlfriend that was older than me and had the maturity of a middle school girl in many issues.

Cyantist also offers useful information here.

Wise, all of you.

 

Dating advice thread.

 

Play along, but not in a way where you're sending mixed messages like she might be. Be blunt and forthcoming when you talk to her as this will make any possible future relationship easier to understand for her. Make her spell it out for you what she wants and tell her what you want.

Relationships like these are purely material and sexual. No matter which way you paint this, she can easily leave you when she gets older, so don't get attached.

 

Well I took a gamble and met her for a coffee today. Really sweet girl, I pushed my concerns and tried to make sure she knew what she was doing.

She has really low self esteem and confidence issues and is an adopted child. For some reason I attract girls from single parent families or less than perfect backgrounds, guess I have that father figure thing going on.

I've told her that I'm not in the right place to get attached to someone seeing as I've just gone through a break up and that she needs to be careful when throwing herself at someone she hardly knows that well.

She's told me its not just a crush.

I could use a bit of fun and I've decided for now to push the age thing aside and just go with it but I've told her I'll be honest with her 100% of the way and she should expect that my attitude may change as time goes on. She seems happy with that.

Good thing is although her texts were certainly immature as a person face to face she's got a good head on her shoulders.

It'll be an adventure, and I sure as hell won't get hurt, I've been through some seriously fucked up relationships over the years and this one looks like child's play if you'll pardon the pedophilic pun.